Healing Touch @page { margin-bottom: 5.000000pt; margin-top: 5.000000pt; } Healing Touch Jenna Anderson Smashwords Edition Copyright 2009 Jenna Anderson All rights reserved Cover art: Jeff Okerstrom Special thanks to my family and friends for their support of my writing endeavors. Thank you also to Joan, Mat, Cassie, Susan, Melissa, and Roni for your advice and feedback. You guys are the best! Smashwords Edition, License Notes eBook editions are licensed for your personal enjoyment only. eBooks may not be re-sold, copied or given away to other people. If you would like to share an eBook edition with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are solely the product of the author’s imagination and/or are used fictitiously, though reference may be made to actual historical events or existing locations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. What readers are saying about Healing Touch: �ś�ŚI was drawn right in on the first page and didn't stop reading until it was done.” �ś�Śa feel-good romance.” �ś�Śengaging and thoroughly enjoyable.” Part I The magazine I held took the full brunt of my anger. Images of happy housewives, mascara ads, and easy eggplant recipes streaked past my vision. Pages snapped, crackled, and ripped under my fingers. I couldn’t believe Dr. Nelson talked me into coming back to the clinic. My pathetic behavior resembled a lovesick teenage girl’s. Hearing his sexy voice may have helped convince me to come in, but it would never persuade me into doing another medical test. A biopsy was out of the question. I asked myself for the tenth time in the last two minutes, �śWhy am I here?” My hands continued to flip through the two year old magazine. I paused briefly at an article showing the top fall fashions for toddlers. The cheapest item was a $35 pair of khakis modeled by a two year old boy. I snorted with disgust. �śYeah right. Cody would have those ripped to shreds and covered in grass or blood stains in less than two hours.” �śDid you say something, Tracy?” asked a voice to my right. Mrs. Busybody. Her name was actually Mrs. Larson but anyone who has been the subject of her gossiping refers to her as Mrs. B. Many �śB” words fit the abbreviation. She sat too close to me, probably trying to peek into my purse for something private or embarrassing. Aside from the six disgustingly ugly blue chairs and a couple of old end tables, we were alone in the clinic’s small waiting room. Mrs. Larson had heard exactly what I said, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction and repeat myself. I just smiled at her and returned to my magazine. A word to the wise, never ever open up a conversation with Mrs. Larson if you don’t have a preplanned escape route. It’s best to say �ŚHi’ out your car window at a red traffic light or just before the elevator door closes on her face. Not that my tiny town had a stoplight or an elevator. The two story court house didn’t even have one. I wasn’t sure how they got around the ADA laws. I guess anyone in a wheelchair had to face the legal system on ground level. I glanced at the clock above the receptionist. Dr. Nelson was behind schedule. Fifteen minutes of my lunch break was already gone. He better hurry up, call me in, tell me whatever crazy crap he planned to today because I needed to get back to work. A one hour lunch break shouldn’t stretch into two. If I stayed out too long, I’d have to stay later this afternoon to make up the time. If I did that I’d be late picking up Cody from daycare. These thoughts made me quite disgusted. I groaned loudly as I tossed the magazine onto the end table. �śSo, tell me dear, why are you here today?” Mrs. Larson had such a sweet, innocent voice. Victims of her scandalous talk lay scattered throughout the community, dazed, confused, not knowing what hit them. An evil thought entered my mind. �śDidn’t you hear? There is a highly contagious virus spreading throughout Iowa.” �śNo, really?” She looked both intrigued and a little frightened. �śYes. I’m serious. I’ve been feeling a bit freakish lately, so I’m here to get myself checked. They say the first sign of the virus is hearing loss.” I exhaled a hot breath in her direction which caused her to back up. Mrs. Larson was a big believer of THEY. Whatever THEY say must be gospel. �śI haven’t heard anything about this. Why wasn’t it in the papers? Sam should run a story.” �śWhat? I’m sorry I didn’t catch what you said. Anyway, people end up going completely deaf. Then, you’ll never guess what happens after that?” A voice called from behind the reception desk. �śTracy, what are you telling Mrs. Larson?” The gossip queen couldn’t resist this juicy news. She leaned in and risked touching my arm. �śWhat happens next?” I conjured up a short bout of violent coughing and grabbed both of her hands in my newly moistened grip. �śTracy�Ś” The receptionist’s disapproving tone indicated she saw through my weak performance. She sounded angry, but the twinkle in her eyes told a different story. �śWell,” I continued, �śthey say that people who have a full blown case of Kerbunktavitous end up completely losing their voice. The victim’s vocals cords dry up and become as useless as crusty old night crawlers.” I cleared my throat and shot a look at Connie behind the desk. Words croaked from my lungs. �śIt’s awful. I hope you don’t catch it, Mrs. L.” The old biddy dropped my grasp and leaned away from me. �śI most certainly hope you don’t have it. Why are you out and about? Why isn’t Dr. Nelson making house calls? Connie, I need to talk to Dr. Nelson right now. This can’t continue.” �śOh, this virus is so contagious that just sitting in the same room with someone will spread it.” I gave her a sympathetic look. �śToo bad too �Ścuz I’m pretty sure I’m sick. You know who I caught it from don’t you?” She couldn’t resist the dangling carrot of gossip and drew closer to me. The words crackled out of my mouth. �śYour son.” �śYou did not! He’s a married man. Why would he be in the same room as you? I mean, not to say you two did anything inappropriate but�Ś” I sighed and shook my head in a sad motion. �śI hate to break the news to you. This virus will spread through your family and turn everyone deaf and mute by Sunday.” Connie had her head down on the reception desk. The sound of stifled giggles floated through the waiting room. I popped out of my worn blue chair with a sudden burst of health. �śWell, I’d love stay and wait forever for Dr. Doogie Howser but I have a job. Connie, let him know that if he wants to talk to me he can schedule an appointment with my secretary.” I gathered up my bag and headed to the exit. Connie shot me a snotty look. �śYou work at Madder’s Truck Repair. You don’t have a secretary. Actually, aren’t you the secretary, billing person, or whatever the guys call it?” Mrs. Larson launched a lecture in my direction. I didn’t have to look at her to know her index finger was wagging for emphasis. �śTracy Campbell, you should be ashamed of yourself. Dr. Nelson may be young but he’s an asset to this community. Don’t you mouth off and scare him away. You hold your tongue, missy.” Visions of third grade popped into my head. �śGee, this is fun. Can we do it again soon? Bye everyone.” I shot them a departing dirty look and turned to leave the stuffy waiting room. My departing move wasn’t quick enough to avoid the call from a nurse. �śTracy Campbell.” �śFucking hell,” I mumbled. �śTracy!” Mrs. Larson didn’t miss a beat. It was almost as if she’d expected the vulgarity and had the reproach waiting on the tip of her tongue. The nurse smiled at me from behind my file. A large purple star adorned one of the corners of the manila folder. It was probably secret code for �Śpain in the ass’ or �Śmake sure she pays up front.’ I gave the woman in white a smile and a big hug. It wasn’t her fault that Dr. Nelson called me in for the fourth visit in less than two weeks. �śHi Maggie. How’s Grace?” �śShe’s great Tracy. We need to get the kids together again for a play date. Cody and Gracie had so much fun last time. I can’t believe how much energy three-year-olds have!” �śTell me about it. Thank God Cody sleeps well. I don’t know what I’d do if he didn’t pass out the minute his head hit the pillow.” Maggie Johannes was a great person. Our toddlers loved each other. We joked that they would end up as high school sweethearts. If we both stayed in Cherryville, the two of them would graduate from the one and only high school in town. The same school Maggie and I graduated from. Difference was, I attended my twentieth high school reunion last year and Maggie just went to her tenth. Thinking about my twenty year reunion brought on a pang of anger and sadness. Mark, my husband of five years, decided to tell me during the banquet that he was leaving me. Coward. He knew I’d have a hard time controlling my emotions. I probably would have killed him if he’d told me while we were alone. So I sat there during dinner, fighting the urge to pry his head off with my fork and butter knife. Trying not to cry. The best thing I did was turn and tell him to get out of the reception hall, out of our house, and out of my life by the time I got home. That was a year ago. The asshole hadn’t been back since and the divorce was almost wrapped up. It took a little longer than normal due to lack of finances, not cooperation. I hoped Maggie never had to go through what I went through. I hoped also that Grace enjoyed a long life with her dad by her side. Cody wouldn’t have that chance. Last I heard, Mark put in for a job in South Carolina. He lived on a truck driver’s paycheck and couldn’t afford a pot to piss in. I knew the father/son get-togethers would be rare. Maggie had an ideal family. �śHow are Joe and baby Frank? I can’t wait to see them again.” �śOh, they’re great, Tracy. Thank you so much for helping me put the crib back together.” We laughed at the comment since we unsuccessfully tried for two hours to reassemble the piece of furniture. Joe finally finished the task when he got off his shift at the factory. �śI’m not sure I helped with anything besides finishing off a bottle of wine you had in your fridge.” �śSomeone had to drink it.” She passed a handful of examination rooms and turned the corner which led us into another hallway. �śTracy, that mural you painted on Frank’s wall is absolutely amazing. You should really do that for a living.” I tried to imagine making money off of painting elephants and tigers. �śThanks but I think working at the shop is more secure.” �śDon’t forget, I’m still planning to watch Cody the night of your class. I’m so proud of you for agreeing to teach a session on painting.” The class would consist of locals who were looking for an excuse to get out of the house for an evening. A small handful of regulars usually made up the roster of students. I became puzzled at our long trip through the clinic. �śWhere are we going? I thought Dr. Nelson wanted to see me again.” �śOh, he does. He conducts some of his consultations in the office.” My sarcasm returned. �śFabulous.” Without knocking, Maggie swept us into the small office. Aside from an old desk heaped with papers, two dingy office chairs, and a bright bank of windows draped in hideous lace curtains, we were alone. The good doctor wasn’t home. The nurse quickly tossed my file on the cluttered desk and made for the door. �śWait. Where’s Doogie? I really don’t have that much time and if he is going to be a while�ł” �śHe stepped out for a second and should be right back. Have a seat.” She smiled at me, gave me a quick parting hug, and pulled the door shut only to reopen it a half second later. �śNo snooping, Tracy!” �śWha? Me? I will sit here like an angel.” Maggie knew I was lying. I heard her laugh all the way down the hall. I shouted after her, �śTell the doc he better hurry up! If he’s not here in two minutes I’m leaving!” In less than one minute I had my face buried in a thick file taken from his desk. �śWell I’m here so you won’t need to break out the timer,” said a voice coming through the door. I stood and tried to slide the file back on his desk discreetly. Jeremy Nelson, M.D. greeted me with a smile. His arms were loaded down with grocery bags. He kicked the door shut and walked directly toward me. Stopping well within my personal space, he peered over my shoulder at the file I just slid back. I stared at his tanned neck. A whiff of peppermint tic tacs and a subtle aftershave floated my way. I had a sudden urge to taste the exposed skin. All I had to do was lean in and press my lips on the bend of his neck. His green eyes locked with my brown ones. My heart pounded and I wondered if he read my inappropriate thoughts. I waited to be yelled at. Instead he smiled and said, �śYou should have picked up Bob Schmidt’s file. His is better reading.” Swallowing hard, I tried to speak in a normal voice. �śAre you working part time at the Piggly Wiggly bagging groceries? I guess that means this temporary placement at the clinic isn’t working out. Bummer.” Thankfully, he put more distance between us. He set the bags down on the counter under the windows and unloaded a few things. There must have been a fridge under the desk since he ducked down a few times with creamer, butter, and cheese. �śTracy, I know that you’re upset with me. You’ve made that fact painfully clear during our last couple of visits.” I winced a little at his comment. The poor doctor had been on the receiving end of my frustration. Frustration caused by a small lump in my throat. A growth, a potential tumor that I wished would just dissolve and be erased from my life forever. Two weeks ago, I came in thinking I had a strange type of sore throat. A couple of exams and an ultrasound later told me differently. Dr. Nelson removed files and mail from the desk. The way he piled and moved things insured he’d never find anything in those stacks again. My medical file disappeared with all the rest. �śSee, I’m good for something. I can clean off a desk.” He swished his arm across the surface to remove the small amount of dust that managed to find the faux oak. Once done with that task, he folded his arms and gave me his full attention. I felt bad. This man sitting in front of me did nothing to deserve the grief I’d given him. I studied his features while forming my apology. I admitted to myself that part of the reason I agreed to come in for another visit was to see his handsome face. Jeremy Nelson was easy to look at, in his early thirties, medium build, strong hands, and wavy brown hair. A few of the longer pieces curled because of the humid summer air. Many women of Cherryville hoped the good doctor would turn his temporary medical assignment into a permanent placement. I pushed my hormones aside. �śI’m sorry. I’ve been a little frustrated with all of this. I know you think there is something wrong with my thyroid.” I held up a hand at his attempt to interrupt. �śYou’ve done blood work and an ultrasound to prove me wrong. But I know my body; this is not a tumor. I refuse to have a biopsy done and throw more money at my ridiculously high deductible. It will go away on its own.” I leaned in to emphasize my final statements. �śStop bugging me. It’s nothing.” �śI agree. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. It is not serious but you need to get it looked at and removed�ł” My face felt warm as I spoke through gritted teeth, �śI said stop bugging me.” We studied each other for a moment. I hoped I had come across as firm but not rude. If he pushed the issue I would have shown him Tracy Campbell’s version of rude. He swept away a few remaining areas of dust. �śOk, fine. So, why don’t you just have lunch with me?” I slouched back in the old chair and crossed my arms. My eyebrows furrowed as I squinted at him. �śLunch? You want me to have lunch with you?” �śYes, Ms. Campbell, will you please have lunch with me?” I drummed my fingers against my chin. �śLunch?” �śWe’ve established that fact. Yes, lunch.” �śGee, I wish I could but I don’t have time to go out for lunch. I’ve been gone from work for almost a half hour already.” �śIt’s a good thing then that I brought lunch to us.” He disappeared under the desk only to reappear a moment later with various clear plastic containers. Potato salad, ham on wheat, tuna on a croissant, and a festive tub of Jell-o were laid out on the desk. I watched him set out paper plates, napkins, and packets of salt and pepper. The tips of his curls were bleached by the sun. The lighter ends matched the color of his eyelashes. He was a very handsome man. Had he been thinking about asking me to lunch for a while? I shook my head to bring myself back to reality. A relationship between the two of us was more than impossible. The age difference alone made it ridiculous. Under his white lab coat was a crisp blue dress shirt. The tie he wore looked very expensive and he currently had on a gold watch and fancy tie clip. I, on the other hand, dressed in the high fashions of Wal-Mart. My ensemble consisted of an old Dale Jr. t-shirt and jean shorts. Both looked ragged from too many years of wear. The game he played would end soon. I knew better than to fall for it. �śYou didn’t buy that lunch for me. I bet you have all sorts of stuff in there and you’re just trying to keep me here longer so you can brainwash me into a biopsy.” He slid the tuna sandwich to me. �śThat’s partially true. My initial plan was to talk to you about the procedure and have lunch with you. How about I make you a deal?” I did my best to ignore the sandwich. Tuna was my favorite. �śWhat kind of deal?” His smile consisted of a few laugh lines and one very faint dimple. �śIf you have lunch with me and tell me about Cherryville, I promise not to bring up the biopsy.” �śEver again?” �śWell, no, but I promise not to talk about it for the next half hour. Deal?” It sounded like a fair trade. The sandwich in front of me looked better than the peanut butter and jelly I had back in my office. Picturing my office, I looked down to inspect my hands for grease stains. No matter how much I tried to keep my area clean at work, I inevitably went home with a few black smudges on my skin or clothes. Engine parts, greasy manhandled pens and phones crossed my path daily. I didn’t have a glamorous job. Luckily my long black hair blended well with the grease. Keeping it up in a pony tail at all times helped. I sighed and grabbed the container. This whole conversation was very odd but my hunger won. �śThank you for buying me lunch. My view of Cherryville is tainted. Are you sure you want me to tell you about it?” Dr. Nelson dove under his desk again. �śI have the feeling you will give me honest information.” He emerged with two bottles of water. The sandwich was fantastic. I didn’t recognize the name of the deli on the package. Rumor had it that he lived in a high brow suburb of Des Moines. �śAre you thinking about moving to Cherryville or are you looking for confirmation on why you shouldn’t?” �śThat depends. What are some positive aspects of living here?” I laughed and shook my head. �śSeriously, you’re asking the wrong person. First of all, you should ask someone closer to your own age. I’m a middle aged, single mom. If you want to know about the specials at the butcher shop or the quality of the preschool, I’m your gal.” He stared at me while chewing his lunch. In a very serious tone he said, �śPrecisely, you’re my gal. I’ve been trying to decide who I should talk to regarding Cherryville and I keep coming back to you.” �śMe?” �śYes.” I tried to hide my blushing cheeks behind my sandwich. The best thing would have been to get him to stop staring at me. Problem was, he had mustard on his lower lip and all I could think about was licking it off. �śYou have something on your lips, mouth�Ś you have food on your face.” I could barely talk. What was my problem? Before he could embarrass me further I launched into my reply. �śLet me think. Well, all the schools in town are very good. Cherryville prides itself on a top notch education. There are plenty of girls fresh out of high school looking for potential husbands so your dating life would be filled. You could be married by Christmas and attending the Kinder Nook open house before you know it.” �śI’m not going to date high school girls.” �śThese girls are out of high school. Well, come to think of it, most will marry the guy they dated throughout school. So you will only have a few to pick from.” I spoke with my mouth full. The tuna sandwich was disappearing at an alarming rate. �śNot interested. So is that what you did, marry your high school sweetheart?” �śGee, Dr. Nelson, that’s a personal question.” �śCall me, Jeremy. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” His expression indicated he wanted me to answer. He tossed my empty container in the garbage and set the Jell-o between us to share. I flashed him my bare left hand. �śNot married, well, I’m soon to be single. The final divorce papers will be signed in the next few days.” After a few hefty spoonfuls of the red blob, I continued. �śMark was not my high school sweetheart. He and I met at the shop. He used to live over in Ottumwa but moved to town after his first divorce.” I paused for a moment. �śGod, what was I thinking marrying him? I should have stuck to my plan of never getting hitched.” �śSo, that’s why you married later in life? You had a plan?” �śAgain with the personal questions. And what exactly do you mean by later in life?” I laughed and threw my crumpled up napkin at him, hitting him in the head. �śI have access to your chart. I know your age. You just said yourself that most females in this town get married right out of high school. I’m merely stating facts.” �śFine. Yes, I had a plan to never marry. I had a few crappy boyfriends over the years. The men in this community are not prime husband material.” I polished off the water and banged the empty bottle against my knee. �śYou and your husband have been split for about a year now, right? Why haven’t you dated anyone else?” I banged the bottle on the desk in an irritating rhythm until he grabbed it out of my hand and set it on the counter behind him. Surely my body language told Jeremy I wasn’t happy to be the subject of town gossip. My reply was short and to the point. �śThere will be no more dating.” After a pause Dr. Nelson said, �śMaybe there’s someone out there meant for you, someone who will never hurt you.” �śI’ve experienced too many examples of the opposite. I seriously doubt that man exists.” I sighed. �śOne wonderful thing did come out of my marriage though.” �śYour son, Cody.” �śYes. He’s amazing. I never thought I could love someone so much. By the end of the day I am exhausted from chasing him, my house is a disaster from his toys and mishaps, and I haven’t read a book or seen a complete TV show in years. But I love that kid. He needs me and I need him.” My purse was full of photos of Cody but I was trying to maintain a boundary. The one of the little guy covered head to toe in mud was on top of the stack. It took a lot of effort not to pull at least just that one out. �śYour face lights up when you talk about him. He’s a lucky boy.” He looked at me inquisitively. �śIs he the reason why you’re afraid to get the biopsy? Because you’re worried about what you might find?” �śI thought you weren’t going to bring that up.” A few other photos popped into my mind. One of Cody and me sitting on Santa’s lap, another swimming. �śYes, I’m scared.” I sighed and wanted to say more but held back. �śHow did we get on the subject of me and my life? You wanted to know more about Cherryville.” �śAs the new doctor in town it’s important that the community accepts me. I’d like your help with that.” �śSo you’re thinking about staying?” I smiled despite myself. �śBetween you and me, I’m thinking about finding a place to rent in town. The final decision hasn’t been made but I’m starting to like it here.” Why did I feel like someone just handed me a quadruple layer chocolate cake? I stood and walked to the grimy windows and pushed back the ugly curtains. The clinic was on Main Street and had a nice view of the activity downtown. Walking past his chair I noticed his sun bleached curls and tanned neck again. �śWhy are you so tan? This is Iowa not California.” �śI jog, umpire softball games, but mostly I just like to be outside.” �śNo golf? I was expecting you to say you played golf at the country club.” I gave him a snooty accent. A few of the town folk drove up and down Main. I noticed the bakery was busy as usual. He laughed. �śNope, I’m not the golfing type. I also help my dad with his yard work once a week and we try to get out fishing too. Now that mom is gone I try to spend more time with him.” I waited for him to tell me he was an Eagle Scout. Could someone be that perfect? Problem was, I liked him the more I heard. �śThat’s nice of you to spend time with your dad. My parents are getting ready to leave for the winter. It’s their annual trip to Sanibel Island, Florida along with the rest of the Midwest.” �śI wish I could convince my dad to go. Maybe your parents could tell him about the area they stay in.” �śHmm.” I wasn’t committing to that. My parents would probably love his dad. My mom would be hearing wedding bells. �śHow about you, what are your hobbies?” That made me bust out laughing. �śYou think I have time for hobbies? I’m lucky to get my hair washed and up in a pony tail each day.” My painting pastime was none of his business. The conversation needed to get back on track. �śIf you’re going to settle in town doing it while you’re young is a good idea.” I saw Mrs. Larson walk out of the clinic and drive off in her gigantic car. �śYou seem very hung up on age. How old do you think I am?” I wanted to guess twenty-five but knew that was wrong. �śUm, well. I don’t have the advantage of looking at your file.” I turned and smiled at him from the window. The corner of his eyes crinkled in a grin. Why did he look at me like that? He was going to give me the wrong idea. I’d like to have that idea but still. �śI’m thirty-two. Not that much younger than you.” �śBack to me again. And yes, seven years younger is too young�Ś never mind. We were talking about Cherryville.” I pushed back the curtain further and looked down the road. I didn’t hear Jeremy approach behind me but knew he was there when his hand brushed mine. He took over holding the fabric and I shoved my hands in my pockets to keep them from doing anything foolish. �śYes, tell me what I need to know.” Focus, Tracy and for God sake, whatever you do, don’t lean back! �śWell, first of all, get used to being called �Śthe new doctor’ because it won’t matter how many years you practice here, you’ll always be the new guy. Right up until Dr. John moved to Florida some people were still referring to him as the man who took over for Dr. Ottman.” The sound of Jeremy’s voice was closer than I would have liked. �śI’ll remember that. What else?” �śThe key is to find your place in town. Where do you fit? What’s your piece of the puzzle?” �śI don’t understand.” �śSee that woman walking the hideous black poodle? She’s Mrs. Jeffrey, Chuck Jeffrey’s wife. You must know him, he’s the pharmacist. She’s also mother of Steve Jeffrey, the best quarterback this town has ever seen. Everyone in town is connected. They are somebody’s mom, cousin, co-worker, or sibling. We all fit together like a puzzle.” �śHow about you? How do you fit?” �śWell, I’m Leah Birch’s younger sister. Leah was Cherryville’s homecoming queen in 1987. I’m Joe’s daughter, Dorothy youngest. Get it?” �śYou were also Mark’s wife.” �śOh no. He wasn’t from town. He was Tracy’s Birch’s husband, from Ottumwa.” �śSounds complicated. Is there anyway for an outsider to become a part of the puzzle?” �śMarrying one of us doesn’t guarantee acceptance but it helps.” I regretted the words the minute they left my mouth. �śI’ll remember that.” His words sounded very thoughtful, as if he was taking my advice to heart. �śAnother important rule is always donate to The Ladies Auxiliary Fund.” �śAnd if I don’t?” I shook my head and in a grave voice said, �śKiss of death.” We chuckled and I turned to look back at him. He was very close. My hands stayed firmly in my pockets. �śI really appreciate this information. Thank you.” His voice was sincere and to my shock, accompanied by his fingers gently straightening out my pony tail. A few wayward pieces had caught on my shoulder as I turned to look at him. My body must have tensed because he quickly dropped the curtain and sat in his chair. �śYou’re welcome. Anything else? I need to get going.” I grabbed my purse and tried to make my escape. �śTwo more questions and then I’ll let you loose.” �śYou’re not charging me a co pay for this are you?” That would be odd and wrong for so many reasons. The near snuggle session we just shared being at the top of the list. �śI’ll tell Connie to erase you off the books.” �śThat would be great. Even fifteen bucks these days can be hard to come by. What’re your questions?” �śWould you like to have dinner with me one night soon?” I paused, a bit stunned. �śAh, you mean to hear more about Cherryville?” �śWell, yes that and to just have dinner with each other.” I had to put a stop to this. People would get the wrong idea. �śActually, I don’t think that is such a good idea. Isn’t that against some medical oath or something? You can’t hang out socially with your patients.” �śJust as friends, I promise. I can have friends, can’t I? You think about it. I hear the Cattle Call has great steaks.” �śThey do.” My head spun as I tried to process this whole encounter. I stood in the office doorway. �śWhat’s your other question?” He leaned on the door and held it for me. The movement brought us dangerously close to each other. �śDo you ever think you’ll let another guy into your life?” �śI, um�Ś” �śIs there a chance you’ll fall in love again?” �śI’m pretty sure I won’t.” �śPretty sure, but there’s still a glimmer of maybe in there somewhere? If you found the right guy.” I felt my face blush. The word escaped my mouth before I could stop it. �śMaybe.” �śThat’s good to know. I’ll call you later in the week to check on dinner. Thanks for coming in, Tracy.” �śYeah, ah, bye doc.” �śPlease, call me Jeremy.” **** Cody’s face and shirt were covered with sticky white icing. He and I loved to spend Saturday mornings at the bakery eating gooey treats. The weather was so nice, the owners of the shop left the tables out on the sidewalk and we were taking full advantage. Mrs. Jeffries’ ugly poodle tried to lick the donut frosting off my son’s face as it passed by. I scooped my boy out of its path in the nick of time. On mornings like these, I got more than my fair share of calories by getting sugary kisses from Cody. I didn’t mind. My painting class was about nine hours away. I jotted down a few ideas for topics and double checked my supply list. Luckily the senior center had most of what I needed to teach a basic watercolor class. I would supply the brushes and each student would chip in what they could for the special paper I bought. Cody would be spending the evening with Maggie and Gracie. We had it all arranged. Earlier that week I had to ask her to call me only from her cell phone. I was trying to avoid Dr. Nelson and anytime my caller ID read Cherryville Clinic I let it go to voicemail. I turned down Jeremy’s initial dinner offer and suggested he have lunch with Mrs. Larson instead. If he wanted to learn about Cherryville, she could talk from sun up until sun down. Of course not all of her information was true, but he’d figure it out. After not hearing back from me he decided to pay me a visit at my work. In very a calm and flat tone I told him I would sell him a car part of his choice but I didn’t want to go out with him. He purchased a pine scented air freshener and left quietly. The date was just a trick to hold me hostage until I agreed to the biopsy. He had to be crazy to think I’d believe he actually wanted to go out with me. There were plenty of younger women in town willing to date the handsome doctor. Most had fewer problems than I did. The lump on my throat seemed to be about the same size, maybe only a little bigger. I told myself the vitamins were helping. �śMommy, can I have another donut?” �śNot today, buddy. You can’t be all sugared up for your play date tonight at Johannes’s. Aren’t you excited to go?” I gave him a big squeeze and simultaneously covered myself in goo. �śCan’t wait! I need to bring cars and trucks for Frank to play with.” I lifted one arm then the other and tried to wipe off the sugar. He was becoming a shiny mess. �śWow kiddo. I think we better head home and get you in the tub.” �śHi Tracy.” I looked up to see Mrs. Iverson walking our way. �śHi. I was just looking over my list for the class tonight. I think I’m all set.” �śOh good. I hope you don’t mind but I let in one more student.” Mrs. Iverson was the official registrar for community education. I think she kept a notebook on her kitchen table right next to the phone. Whatever her method, she was very thorough. �śThat’s fine. I’ll just find a few more brushes and see if I have enough paper.” �śNormally I wouldn’t dream of letting someone in the day of the class but he was very insistent. He even offered to pay double!” Paying double would bring the fee to twenty dollars. �śWow big spender. Wait, you said he. Who is this new student?” �śDr. Jeremy Nelson. He’s the new doctor at the clinic who took over for Dr. John. Have you met him?” I shook my head which confused Mrs. Iverson when I said, �śYes, we’ve met.” **** �śIs everyone all set to give this a try? Just go with the flow and don’t worry too much about being exact. Watercolors are unpredictable, fluid. It’s a part of their charm.” The class was made of up seven students. I had spent the first twenty minutes going over the tools and demonstrating some basic techniques. Each student was asked to bring in a few photos or clippings from magazines as inspiration. �śMs. Campbell, I need your help.” I hoped this wasn’t a trend for the night. �śWhat do you need Dr. Nelson?” �śI didn’t know I was supposed to bring in a picture so I’m not sure what to paint.” A few of the older ladies in the room tried to hand him one of theirs but his eyes were locked on mine. Mrs. Busch had a few extra at her table. I picked a bright one from the top of her pile. �śHere is a lovely picture of some flowers. Why don’t you see what you can do with this?” I turned away before he could respond and spoke to the whole room. �śRemember to just use the pictures as a general guide. Don’t try to copy it. Perhaps look at it for a minute then flip it over. Use your mind to create the art.” I strolled around the room to check on everyone. �śHow’s this Tracy?” �śVery nice Mr. Stevens. I really like the way the colors are blending. If you want, let this first application dry then come back with a smaller brush and more intense color to capture the center of the flower.” �śI have to wait until it dries?” �śYes, or the colors will run together.” I patted him on the back. �śBut then again, you could just try it now. It’ll probably turn out beautifully. Sometimes wonderful things happen when they are least expected.” I turned to find Jeremy staring at me from across the room. My cheeks turned about four shades of red. He had heard what I said wouldn’t look away. The sound of my heart beating flooded my ears. I wasn’t interested to him. Why did I react this way? �śIs something wrong Jer�Ś Dr. Nelson?” A few of the ladies tried to interrupt our exchange. �śNo, In fact everything is pretty darn good.” **** The rest of the class went well. The students had lots of fun and encouraged me to offer another session. I was surprised at their caliber of work. Those people showed great talent. All except Jeremy. His painting was hideous. I tried to fake enthusiasm but everyone saw through it. Mrs. Busch took it from him and promised to tape it to her fridge. I lifted my small box of supplies and gave the room one last look. I’d hear it from Mrs. Iverson if I left the place in disarray. �śCan I help you with that?” The box flew out of my hands at Jeremy’s surprise appearance. �śAre you trying to give me a heart attack?” �śI’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to scare you.” He bent to pick up the scattered supplies. �śI was pulling out of the parking lot and didn’t notice your car. Do you need a ride home?” �śHow do you know what kind of car I drive?” I took the box from him and turned out the lights. �śWell, I don’t but considering there aren’t any cars in the lot I figured you might need a ride.” We exited the building together and I locked up with the key Mrs. Iverson gave me. The sun had set and the night sky was filled with stars. Even the street lights couldn’t dim them. �śI walked. I don’t live far from here.” Jeremy grabbed the box back. �śGreat. I’ll carry this. Which direction are you?” A quick glance told me no spying eyes were watching. �śThis way.” We walked on in silence for about a block. Jeremy shifted the box of supplies to his left arm. His now unoccupied hand swung dangerously close to mine. I felt as if I were back in middle school. My hormones seemed to feel the same. A cool breeze picked up and I pulled my sweater tight around me. Someone had barbequed steaks nearby and the aroma reminded me I missed dinner. �śTracy, can I ask you a personal question?” �śI’d rather you didn’t.” He ignored my response and continued. �śI know most small towns have a lot of gossip but you seem overly sensitive to it. Why is that?” I stopped at the corner under a street light. This is as far as his escort home would go. �śLet’s just say that every once in a while something happens in this small town that is so juicy, so scandalous that the town folk but can’t help but talk about it for months.” �śAnd you were part of one such incident?” The box was once again returned to me. �śWhy do I get the feeling you already know about all this?” �śI’d like to hear it from you.” �śWell, it’s true. Shortly after our separation, Mark, my ex was caught having sex in the school parking lot with one of the teachers.” �śCaught?” I took off in a direction opposite of my house. �śGood night Dr. Nelson.” �śTracy.” �śYes, caught. Caught on camera by one of her students. Google it. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the footage as much as my divorce lawyer did.” **** Cooler October air brought small patches of color to the trees of Cherryville. I sat near a row of bushes at the edge of the playground and watched Cody repeatedly fill up his small pail and dump the sand outside the sandbox. I’d help him scoop it back in after he finished playing. He was busy and content with his current activity. A little sand outside the lines wouldn’t hurt anyone. Not too many people were at the park today. The kids were back in school and the inhabitants of this small town were off conducting their normal Friday activities. I lucked out with the weather. The forecast called for 73⁰ and sunny. My boss gladly gave me the last minute vacation day. I had been making mistakes all week. Wednesday I tried to charge someone $55,750 for a used tire. I needed a day off. I was so tired. My eyelids grew heavy. Things were getting to me and I was having a hard time sleeping. A bicyclist passed at a speed perfect to outrun Cody’s attack. The shovel full of sand hit the path just behind the back wheel. �śCody James Campbell, no! We’re going to go home if you can’t play nice.” He smiled at me, moved to the other end of the sand box, and continued emptying its contents. I really hoped this vacation day would recharge my batteries. I needed to wake up and resume a normal routine. The exhaustion was not due to crazy nights out with the girls or dates that stretched until morning. My fatigue came from hours of endless worrying. The stupid lump in my throat hadn’t gone away. I tried not to touch it but it became a nervous habit to check it every ten second. My friends worried about me. I felt bad lying, but I told them I was running out of gas because of Cody. They still checked in on me but gave up asking me to hang out after a while. Instinctively I touched the lump on my neck. The more I tried not to think about it, the more it bothered me. Cody had about half of the sand out of the box. I was impressed at his meticulous effort. One side of the square was almost bare right down to the cement base. The birds chirped above me. They were probably making plans to fly south, discussing the best route to warmer climates. A destination far away from worries and responsibilities sounded wonderful. It would be nice to sit on a lounge chair looking out over the ocean. My heavy lids drifted shut. I visualized waves crashing, palm tress swaying. Seagulls flew overhead as couples walked on the long stretch of white sand. The beat of the waves was hypnotic. I gazed out over the ocean that spanned before me. The blue of the sky blended on the horizon into the water. I could barely make out the dividing line. I wiggled my toes and looked at my tanned legs against the bright beach towel draped on my chair. It matched the bathing suit I had on. One must always wear festive colors in the tropics. I adjusted my large straw hat and looked at my travel companion. Jeremy tanned nicely and had a great body, such a beautiful body. He glanced at me and smiled from his reclined position. A purple boat with pink sails caught my attention as it bobbed in the waves. �śTracy.” Cody walked across the wide beach carrying a tray of margaritas. He looked so cute in his mini tuxedo. �śTracy.” How sweet, a skewer of fruit adorned each glass. �śTracy!” �śMommy!” Somebody kicked my beach chair, rocking the whole thing in a violent way. My eyes shot open to the sight of Jeremy, not on the beach, but in the Cherryville Park, holding a squirming Cody. �śOh my God!” I stood up and grabbed Cody out of his arms. �śI must have fallen asleep. Where did you come from? What happened?” �śCalm down, everything’s fine. Cody just wandered up the path a little ways and I figured you were around here somewhere.” �śWandered away! He could have been hit by a car or stolen!” The little boy already had enough of being held and struggled to get down. �śWhere exactly did you find him?” �śWell, over by the ball fields.” I felt a little light headed and set the boy on the grass. I knew Cody could move fast but that was a long way from where we stood. �śLet’s swing, Mommy!” He shouted and took off toward the swing set. I leaned on my knees, letting my head clear before trotting after him. Jeremy jogged behind the two of us. �śI think you need to sit down, Tracy. Let me push him.” �śI’ve done enough sitting.” I boosted Cody into one of the swings. �śI should be arrested.” The doctor stood to my right and looked at me. In a soothing voice he said, �śHe’s fine. You’re being too hard on yourself.” I turned my head away so Jeremy couldn’t see the tears pooling in my eyes. Sitting on one of the swings, I slowly rocked myself while looking at the ground. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see his tan muscular legs. It was beyond comprehension why a guy this gorgeous even bothered to talk to me. Cody flew back and forth. Jeremy must have pushed him because Cody still hadn’t learned how to pump. Either that or he enjoyed the adults doing the work for him. Jeremy came around the front of Cody’s swing and started making faces at him while he pushed. He’d grab the seat of the swing and make it stop completely before pushing him back again. A few giggles escaped my little boy as he swung higher and higher. �śBig.” He swished forward and back. �śBig!” Forward and back. �śHe wants you to give him a big push.” Jeremy spoke to the little guy in a devious voice. �śOh, you want a big push. How big?” Cody squealed with excitement. �śRealwee big.” �śSuper big?” �śYes! Yes!” His wish was granted. Peals of laughter filled the playground. Jeremy pretended to bite off Cody’s feet as they neared his face. He skillfully grabbed the flying limbs and removed one tennis shoe, then the other. A cup full of sand poured from each. �śWhoa buddy, are you planning on taking the whole sandbox home?” �śCody, this is Jeremy. He’s the new doctor in town.” �śHi Jerwee, I’m Cody.” �śNice to meet you. You need to be a good boy for your mom and not wander off. She was worried about you.” Jeremy captured each foot and removed the dingy socks. Through snorts of laughter Cody said, �śSorwee, Mommy.” �śIt’s not your fault sweetie, Mommy fell asleep.” �śWhy are you tired, Mommy?” I looked up at the little boy. He held eye contact as he moved back and forth, waiting for an answer, as was Dr. Nelson. �śThere was a good movie on TV last night. I stayed up too late watching it.” I lied horribly when tired. Jeremy didn’t believe me for a second. �śNaughty Mommy.” �śYes, naughty Mommy for lying.” �śOh oh, you’re in twouble.” Jeremy laughed and said, �śYes. What should we do with her?” �śSpank her!” I shot an astonished look at them both. Jeremy seemed to like the idea. �śAbsolutely not!” �śHmm, any other ideas, Cody?” He giggled and looked at me. The little stinker was enjoying this. �śBelly farts!” �śOk, I’ll hold her down Cody, you give her big juicy ones.” With that he lunged for me. I took off squealing like a ten year old. After a couple laps around the swings I stopped abruptly, causing Jeremy to collide into my back. Two ladies strolled by on the walking path. I recognized them as friends of Mrs. Larson. I stifled a groan and produced a fake smile for their benefit. The women passed and as soon as they were out of hearing range I grumbled, �śFucking hell.” �śMommy said a bad word.” �śWhat happened? Aren’t you supposed to be here?” Jeremy asked. �śI took the day off.” All the humor drained from me in an instant. �śWell, doc, if you haven’t been the subject of town gossip yet, you will be now. Damn it. I really don’t need this.” Jeremy kept his distance but the damage had been done. �śSorry, I got carried away.” I gathered Cody’s shoes and socks. In a concerned voice he said, �śTell me why you’re so tired. Worrying about things?” �śNone of your business.” �śYou’ve lost weight too. I assume that’s not from a fad diet. Is it getting difficult to swallow?” �śGee, doc, do we have to go through this again? I’m fine.” �śIs it me? If it is, I can recommend a doctor in Des Moines to do the biopsy.” Jeremy lifted Cody down off the swing. �śDrop it.” I watch Cody tear off barefoot in the direction of the sandbox. For the first time since we met I saw anger in his expression. �śListen, that little boy needs you to be healthy. You are already showing signs of difficulty. It’s only going to get worse.” I sighed and walked to a bench near the sandbox. Lunchtime approached and I knew I only had a half hour or so before Cody became grumpy due to hunger. I’d sit for a minute then head for home to make the toddler’s favorite meal, macaroni and cheese. The thought of food made my stomach growl. Jeremy heard the growl but sat beside me saying nothing. �śCody, please start scooping the sand back into the box.” He worked on this task haphazardly for a few minutes. It wasn’t perfect, but it would pass. I wanted to tell Jeremy what I felt. That I was scared to death to get the results back and have it be cancer. That I didn’t want to get sick from chemo treatments or endure endless trips to the hospital for radiation. I couldn’t go through all that. What would I do with Cody? Who would care for him if I was sick in bed? Who would make him fish sticks and hold him when he cried? If I gave in and admitted I had a disease, who would care for and hold me? I wanted to tell him all these things but couldn’t, so I said nothing. Without saying goodbye, he walked away. �śJerwee, wait for me!” Cody dashed off in his direction. Jeremy scooped him up and gave him a big hug. He eyes met mine as I approached. The expression surprised me. It wasn’t one of frustration or irritation. He cared. Words stumbled from my mouth but I had no idea what to say. �śI’m sorry, I�Ś” �śTracy, I know you’re scared. You have to accept the fact that this isn’t going to go away. Let me help you.” I grabbed the boy from his arms. �śCome on, buddy, time for lunch.” I turned toward the parking lot without replying to his last comment. He spun me back around and held my arm. Something was on the tip of his tongue and he appeared to struggle with the words. He shook his head and said, �śWill you be able to nap when Cody does?” That would have been too convenient, too easy. I shook my head said, �śCody hasn’t napped in over a year.” *** A circle of cheesy pasta, pears, and peas lay on the floor surrounding the booster chair. It wasn’t as bad as most days. Cody was really hungry so he dropped less. He was settled in the TV room watching cartoons and playing with his cars. I hoped to make myself a quick lunch and rest on the couch as he played. If I were lucky, I’d get a few minutes of sleep in before he got bored. My stomach cried out for a cheeseburger, steak or ribs but these were not on the menu. Instant mashed potatoes were easy to swallow so I cooked up another pot full. It was the fourth batch in two days. I needed to run to the store to buy more cheese. At least that added protein. The potatoes were nearly done when I heard a loud crash in the TV room, followed by a scream. Racing into the room, I surveyed the child and area as quickly as I could, searching for blood or broken glass. �śWhat happened?” Cody sat next to a bookshelf with a pile of books and picture frames near to him on the floor. Most of these items came from the top two shelves. �śCody, were you trying to climb up the bookcase? I told you not to do that.” I picked him up and checked for damage. �śSweetie, you have to be careful.” The tears flowed but he wasn’t hurt. �śWhy were you crawling up the–” The doorbell interrupted me. I did my best not to swear in Cody’s ear when I saw the person on the other side of the front door. Dr. Nelson. I opened the door but blocked his path into my home. �śYou are seriously trying to annoy the hell out of me aren’t you?” Cody squirmed out of my arms, gave Jeremy a hug and then raced off to gather cars and trucks. Apparently he thought Jeremy was there to play with him. Jeremy lifted a small grocery bag and said, �śI come bearing gifts.” �śThe gossip in this town is out of control. If someone sees your car outside my house I will never hear the end of it.” He had an irritating smile plastered on his face. �śI parked three doors down and I have a rental today. My car is in the shop in Des Moines.” I refused to let him in and searched for another reason to scare him off. �śAren’t you pushing the boundaries of patient privacy? You can’t just look up my address and stop by.” �śMrs. Larson told me where you lived.” I opened my mouth to blast the doctor. My words were drowned out by the loud shrill of the kitchen smoke detector. Cody covered his ears and let out a blood curdling scream. Jeremy was on the move before I could even comprehend what was happening. �śYou get him I’ll check the kitchen!” Cody and I moved to the front sidewalk to be further away from the sound. After a few minutes the alarm stopped. �śThe coast is clear!” Cody and I inched into the kitchen. The room was smoky but starting to clear due to an open window. Jeremy lifted a charred pot out of the sink. �śIs this a new recipe, blackened mashed potatoes?” �śYuck, Mommy, are you going to eat that?” �śOh my God, my lunch.” It was only one o’clock and I was completely defeated. I set Cody down on the floor and collapsed into a chair. �śYou just relax. Come on, little guy, we’re going to make your mom something to eat.” Before long, Cody was up on a chair helping Jeremy unload bananas, strawberries, and a jar of powder. All the ingredients were tossed into a blender with a touch of milk. �śHit the button big guy.” Cody pureed and blended the concoction. �śAll right, let’s see what she thinks of this.” Jeremy handed me a tall glass of the liquid. It tasted fantastic. �śI love it.” Cody was thrilled at my reaction but didn’t stick around for clean up. Jeremy quietly scrubbed the counter and ran water into the pot of mashed potatoes. �śI’m sorry,” I said. �śI seem to be saying that to you a lot lately.” �śIt’s ok.” A huge yawn took me over and I shivered from head to toe once it passed. �śJeepers, that was a good one.” �śWhy don’t you go lay down? I’ll watch Cody for a little while.” �śWhat did you put in that shake, narcotics?” My eyelids drooped more than normal. Jeremy smiled as he chipped the crusty food out of the pot. �śNo, just fruit, milk, and protein powder. Your body is probably thankful for the nourishment.” I yawned again. �śWell, maybe I will lie down on the couch for a few minutes. You two can pop in a video. A twenty or thirty minute nap should help.” �śOk, whatever.” It was his turn to be sarcastic. I tossed a few toys onto the floor, yanked the rubber band out of my hair, and flopped, face first on the couch. �śWhy aren’t you working today?” My eyes were shut before I finished the sentence. He didn’t respond and I soon figured out why. He came around the front of the couch with my pillow and comforter in his arms. I flipped over to face him. �śThese aren’t necessary.” He arranged the pillow, pulled the blanket up to my chin, and tucked it in around me. He sat on the edge of the couch trapping me. �śLet me check one thing. Try not to scream at me.” He proceeded to tip my chin up and feel my neck. I closed my eyes and waited for him to finish. All the fight left me. The mystery shake had drugged me and I struggled to stay awake. My eyes opened as he grabbed one of my ear lobes and gentle wiggled it. �śHmm?” �śGood night Ms. Campbell.” �śNight, Dr. Nelson.” A little voice came flying at me. �śNo, no! That’s not the way you do it Jerwee. You have to tuck her in like this.” Cody proceeded to show Jeremy our nightly routine although this time I was the one being tucked. His little hands pushed the blanket down on my right side starting at my shoulder and working down to my ankles. This movement was accompanied by Cody saying �śTuck, tuck, tuck.” He moved on to my left side and repeated the movement. �śOh I get it.” I could tell Jeremy was smiling. �śNot done.” Cody looked at me, scratched his chin and moved on to the next step of our routine. �śWhat can I do to make you stay in bed? I know, I’ll nail you in.” With this Cody pretended to nail the blanket down up and down the couch. He didn’t have to nail me in; I was too tired to even lift my head. �śYou got that Jerwee? That’s how you do it and then you have to end it with a kiss.” Cody leaned down and gave me a loud smack. �śThanks, buddy. I got it.” Jeremy and I smiled at each other but my little boy looked confused. �śNow you.” Cody pointed at Jeremy. I protested in a sleepy voice, �śCody, I don’t think that’s–�ś Jeremy was right on it. He pretended to lift up something long and heavy. �śOK let’s just put this right here.” He slapped the pretend board against my side and then added a couple more. �śThere’s the frame now we are going to pour in the cement.” �śCement! Oh goodie.” Cody hadn’t heard this one before. A noisy cement truck poured its contents on top of me and Jeremy smoothed out the surface with a trowel. Luckily the boards were wide and he didn’t need to get close to my body. �śShe’s not getting out of there!” Cody and Jeremy high fived each other. �śNow you kiss her.” Cody pointed in my face. �śHoney, that’s not necessary.” �śYa huh, you tell me ever night we have to seal it with a kiss.” I cursed silently to myself. Why did I invent that damn rule? Cody pulled Jeremy’s hand trying to get him to move in for the sealing kiss. �śWell, if I must.” The doctor tried to sound put out but the humor came through his voice. He kneeled at my side and moved in for the kiss. Before he could make contact I turned my head to the side. This must be against some doctor’s code of ethics.” I said into the back of the couch. �śDon’t worry, I’ve got that covered.” Game time was over, I wanted to hear his explanation. �śI transferred your file.” That announcement woke me. �śWhat, to who, why?” Jeremy smoothed and tucked the blanket around my shoulders and neck. Unlike the time in his office, he played with my hair and didn’t hold back. I was glad my arms were pinned under the blanket because they were aching to run through his light brown curls. I was held motionless by his green eyes. He repeated my questions. �śWhat? I transferred your file. To who? Dr. Ottman. And why? So I could do this.” He lightly kissed my forehead and nose. He held his mouth a few inches from mine and waited for a protest. Despite all my inner debates playing out this possible scenario and the inevitable disastrous results, I couldn’t voice a single word to stop him. Our lips touched softly. I fought the urge to free my arms and pull him into me closer. My head spun and I tried to say something. Jeremy backed away leaving me to stare at the ceiling, shocked and immobile. The nails and cement were not needed. I listened to the two of them play with toy cars. Jeremy made a city out of books from my shelf and Cody enjoyed racing through the streets of �ŚCampbellville.’ So many thoughts swirled through my head but none stopped long enough to be considered. The quiet laughter of the males in my house was comforting and soon I was fast asleep. The big purple dinosaur visited our house and sang songs. I danced around in a circle with Cody, my boss and Maggie from the clinic. We all learned a happy tune about sharing and being friends. A little while later Emeril Lagasse showed up to cook dinner. He ordered me to rest on the couch and read each of my books before putting them back on the shelf. From the aroma coming from the kitchen, it smelled as if he was making pizza. I found that a bit strange because Cody will only eat those nasty $.99 pizzas from the grocery store. My sister popped into the TV room to tell me Emeril was just fine with a frozen dinner for one night. After dinner Jeremy read �śWhere the Wild Things Are” to us three times. My now ex-husband, Mark was in the corner grumbling something in Portuguese. I laughed at Jeremy’s acting skills as he pretended to be Max or dance like the big monsters. Cody looked so cute sitting on his lap; head leaned back into his neck. The boy’s long black lashes drooped with sleep. �śI think it’s time for bed, big guy. Do you want to wake up mommy or have me tuck you in?” My eyes opened and I sat up throwing off the covers. Emeril must have taken off because he was no where in sight. �śWhere’s Leah?” My hair had plastered to the side of my face during my sweaty nap. My skin felt hot and I was dying of thirst. �śAunt Leah isn’t here mom. You look tired; you should go to bed too. Jerewee is gunna tuck me in.” Cody hopped down off of the doctor’s lap only to turn right around and hold out his arms to him. I shook my head a couple of times hoping to clear the sleep fog. Was Emeril really here making pizza? �śJeremy, what time is it? How long have I been sleeping?” I had every intention of standing but sat and watched Jeremy scoop up my little boy instead. He laid his sleepy head down and said in a soft voice. �śNight, Mommy. I love you.” �śI love you too, buddy.” What was happening? This was weirder than my dreams. In a moment of clarity I called to the two of them, �śHe needs to try and pee and put on a pull-up before you lay him down. They are in his top dresser drawer.” �śNo pull-up!” the little guy shouted. I was just about to argue with him when Jeremy beat me to it. �śWhen you get a little older and can show us that you are dry in the morning for one whole week, then you can get rid of the pull-ups. Ok? So why don’t you try to stay dry tonight.” While in the kitchen making myself a snack I could hear Jeremy and Cody read more stories and invent a few more tucking techniques. I went to his room to kiss Cody and seal him in his bed. �śGood night, sweetie. See you in the morning.” �śNight, Mommy, see you in the morning.” I closed his bedroom door to the exact width Cody required. Just enough to let one strip of light fall across his light blue wall. His little voice called once again from the semi darkness, �śNight, Jerewee. See you in the morning.” �śOh no you won’t.” I grumbled softly to myself as I turned to make my way back to the living room. �śWhy not?” I jumped a mile when Jeremy made this protest. He leaned against a doorjamb half way down the hall. I tried to keeping moving and ignore him but his location blocked my path. Just my luck, the doorway he stopped at lead to my bedroom. How was it possible that I had two such conflicting emotions raging inside of me: the need to run and the desire to back him into my room and push him down on the bed. His arms hung out from his sides signaling he was ready to pull me into an embrace regardless of my decision. To break the magnetic pull toward the bed I felt, I ducked into the hallway bathroom and scooped up everything possible that would go in a wash machine. I even grabbed the rugs. I ducked and dodged his silent invitation and made my way to the basement. When I returned to the living room I expected to find him gone but Jeremy made no attempt to leave. Instead he was tidying up. He picked up toys and returned books to the shelf. His behavior and attitude completely confused me. I sat in my grandma’s wooden rocking chair near the fireplace and stared at him. �śI slept six hours. Why didn’t you wake me up? You didn’t have to stay all afternoon and evening.” There was no anger in my voice and despite my long nap, I was still sleepy. �śCody and I were having fun. I figured since you were tired enough to fall asleep in the park and then later burn mashed potatoes to a cinder, you must have needed the rest.” He made quick work of the disastrous room. It was nice to watch him work. He didn’t seem uncomfortable or even slow down to wonder where to put things. Just went about the task as if he’d been doing it for years. �śWhat did you make him for supper?” Jeremy made a final pass around the room looking for stray cars or army guys. During his lap he clicked off a few lights. �śOne of those nasty frozen pizzas you had in the freezer.” He smiled at me. �śI figured I’d stick with the �śP” theme and added peas and pears. He loved it.” I wasn’t sure why but Jeremy wasn’t looking at me. He stood in front of me near the mantel and fidgeted with the knick-knacks. He rearranged a couple pictures, pausing to laugh at one of Cody as a pudgy ten month old. I don’t think I’d ever seen him nervous but that is how I would describe him just then. Nervous. Or perhaps in deep thought. Could he have been thinking about Cody’s statement of seeing him in the morning? �śI don’t understand what’s going on, Jeremy. You’ve transferred my file. There’s no need for you to be nice to me anymore.” Jeremy lit a couple of the candles I had sitting on the mantel and moved them over to the coffee table. �śI like being nice to you.” He softly pinched my cheek and in a smooth move grabbed me by both hands and stood me up. His arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me in tight. He kissed me quickly; similar to the one he gave me earlier. I stared at him and continued my confused expression. �śWait a second,” I said, �śYou don’t have to do all this. The baby sitting, cooking, cleaning up, saying you’ll play again with Cody in the morning. How is all this going to help you now that you’ve transferred my file?” I pushed away from him and clicked on a lamp. �śWhat are you talking about?” He seemed more confused than me and this was his game. �śWhy do you think I’m doing this?” He paused and then he had a look of realization on his face. The understanding soon turned to anger. �śDo you think I’m being nice to you so that you will take my medical advice?” He paced the room and stopped to scowl at me. �śYou honestly think that I brought you food, and played with Cody all afternoon as a kind of bribe or blackmail?” An uneasy feeling crept over me. This was not what I expected. I still had no idea of his true intensions but apparently I was way off base. Trying to defend my assumptions I jumped in on his argument. �śYou have been trying to get me to have that biopsy for weeks, months! You’ve made me come into the clinic for numerous appoints, called me, e-mailed and you even had Maggie contact me. What was I supposed to think?” �śAll along you’ve accused me of doing things that are less than ethical, which I disagree with 100%. Now you are implying that I did all these things just so you’d get a biopsy! Do you really think I’d crossed the ethical boundaries so much and kiss you just so you’ll get a procedure done?” It sounded awful when put that way, like he was pimping himself out to have a perfect patient success record. I looked at him and the same thoughts could be seen playing across his mind. Neither one of us had to say it out loud. I put an end to the unspoken insult by saying quietly, �śI’m sorry. No other reasons came to mind. I was sure that was why you were paying so much attention to me.” �śI kissed you! I transferred your file because I’m attracted to you!” My hands went up to my head as if to hold my brain and scattered thoughts in. A quick vision of us dating flashed before my eyes. I laughed at the insane scenario. There was no way in hell I would put myself through that. I glanced at his shocked face. He just didn’t get it. �śJeremy, the thought of you and I dating is beyond ridiculous.” I looked at him and was surprised when his puzzled look continued. �śWhy? Explain it to me. You say that like I should understand, but I don’t.” His voice sounded sad. I fought the urge to run my hand down his cheek. I sighed and let the reasons flow out of me. �śAge, you’re a doctor, I’m a billing clerk at a truck repair shop, age, I have a child, you don’t, I’m seven years older than you, I like NASCAR, you probably belong to a country club somewhere, and age! God, could we give the people of this town any more fuel for their gossip?” �śNASCAR?” He shook his head clear of the thought. �śWho cares what they think. I like you, Tracy. In fact, I think I really like you.” He walked to me as if to prove his point but I stopped him and stepped back. �śPlease don’t. I can’t be the center of town gossip. I won’t put myself through that again.” He stepped into me before I could stop him and locked us head to toe. The kiss proved instantly that I was wrong. He hadn’t done any of those things to convince me to have a medical procedure done. He cared. I felt it. In the softness of his lips the feel of his hands on my back and in my hair. He cared. Jeremy stood right where he wanted to be and held the person he wanted to be with. His warm breath moved the hair by my ear. �śPlease, will you try to bear it for me, for us? It’ll be ok.” I looked into his young handsome face. I knew better. I lived too long in this town to think I could avoid the inevitable. In the end he’d finish up his temporary assignment, leave the area and I’d be left to face the aftermath on my own - humiliated. I pushed him back and told him the lie that I knew would send him away for good. �śI’m sorry if I’ve done something to give you the wrong impression, Jeremy. I’m not interested in a relationship with you.” His hurt expression moved further away from me as I sealed out fate. �śAnd I never will be.” I heard him leave as I put the candles back on the mantel. He didn’t say goodbye. Looking in the mirror above the fireplace I reminded myself, �śIt’ll only hurt for a little while. He’ll be gone soon enough. It’s better this way.” Part III Homecoming week descended on Cherryville. Store windows were painted white and red and banners claimed the Panthers would crush the Bears. Cody loved the parade. Each year my boss, Randy, would find a big loud truck to partake in the festivities. This year it was an orange monstrous thing with dual smoke stacks and faux wood panels painted on the side. I helped him pick out the candy the guys would toss from out the back. �śHere they come, buddy!” We could hear the obnoxious truck a block away. �śChuck, Buzz!” Cody bounced and waved his hands to get the guys to toss him extra candy. There was no need to encourage them. The little boy was showered with enough candy to last three months. It’s a good thing the local dentist, Dr. O’Neil, tossed out toothbrushes and sparkly toothpaste samples from his float. The marching band passed and then the women’s auxiliary. I never understood why they wore such big ugly hats. Is that what my donation went toward, a hideous hat purchase? Cody waved at the women but as soon as he realized there would be no flying candy his eyes moved on to the next car. �śOh look, Mommy, Jerewee! Hi Jerewee!” To my sheer horror my eyes landed on Dr. Nelson perched on the back seat of a classic convertible. The horrible part wasn’t that he looked extra handsome in the borrowed Panther letter jacket or that my child was overjoyed to see him. I was horrified at my gut dropping reaction to the fact that he was sitting next to Tanya Beckford, the new young lawyer in town. �śFucking hell.” Luckily the marching band drowned out my comment. At least I turned my head so Jeremy couldn’t read my lips. Tanya wasn’t new to town even though she was the newest lawyer to be brought in to the only law firm on Main Street. She was the daughter of Phillip Beckford, the longest running mayor we’d ever had. It had been a little over two weeks since the incident at my house with the doctor. I sighed and exhaled a long, cleansing breath. Any final remaining bits of doubt seeped from my body. I had absolutely done the right thing. My visions of embarrassment would have become reality if I ventured down that road. My little boy stood on my lap and almost waved his arm off at Jeremy. I pretended to look for the next element of the parade not wanting to see Tanya and Jeremy sitting next to each other. She bought her good looks. She had the ability to look better with optical illusions of expensive clothes and fancy hair cuts. How could someone with grease stains on her jeans compete with that? �śHi Jerewee.” Cody said in a normal voice from my lap. �śHoney, he can’t hear you�Ś” New khaki pants entered my peripheral vision. �śHi buddy. I was hopping I’d see you. I have a surprise.” Cody was lifted out of my arms and into the air. Jeremy spun him around. I looked side to side to see who else watched the show. My sister, seated to my left, shot me an odd look then broke into a wide grin. �śHi Tracy, You’re looking well.” Jeremy smiled down at me and then to my sister. I introduced the two of them in the most casual way possible. �śLeah, this is the temporary doctor at the clinic. He works with Maggie Johannes.” Jeremy shook her hand and filled in the gaps. �śJeremy Nelson, it’s nice to meet you Leah.” Turning to me he continued. �śYou must not have heard.” The sparkle in his eyes, paired with Cody’s arms wrapped around his neck, sent my heart beat into overtime. Their cozy position didn’t strengthen my vow to stay away from him. In fact, I slipped a bit. �śI’m not sure what you mean. Heard what?” �śI’m staying. As soon as I can sell my house in Des Moines and find a place here, Cherryville will be my new home.” I blinked at him a few times. �śYour new home?” I couldn’t help but looked at the stopped parade behind him. Tanya waved and shouting back and forth to people in the crowd. At least he’d have someone to show him around town. The thought hit me hard. The gut dropping reaction of seeing him earlier had nothing on this new emotional wave. I opened my eyes wide and looked around pretending I dropped something. I had to keep him from seeing my tears. Why the hell did that happen? Why in front of him? I sent up a silent plea for him to finish his discussion and move on. Ten yards away a young professional with expensive highlights waited for him. Perhaps she waited for his move to town as well. �śTracy?” I couldn’t look just yet. I faked a sneeze and grabbed a napkin from the stash in my purse. This action would maybe give reason for my red eyes and contorted face. �śWhew. Excuse me. Here, let me take Cody. He wanted something from one of the vendors so I think I take him now�ł” �śThat’s what I wanted to ask you. Can he ride in the back of the convertible with us?” Stunned amazement wouldn’t come close to describing my expression. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the woman who would sit next to my son and the beautiful man standing before me. The man, who said he wanted me, was attracted to me, but had been sent away by me. He took very little time finding a replacement. Cody would be used to help paint the picture of an idyllic family; idyllic because I wouldn’t be in it. Over my dead body would he be used as a stage prop. �śHell no!” The response came out much harsher than I expected. Jeremy and Leah literally moved back from me. Jeremy sputtered, trying to guess my source of anger. �śThere’s a booster seat in the back. He’d be buckled in�Ś I’m sorry. I thought he’d have fun.” The doctor could see he crossed a line but wasn’t sure which one. My reaction took him completely off guard. As far as I was concerned, the conversation was over. I gathered Cody, took up my things in my free hand and stomped off. I didn’t care who I had to push out of the way or whose ears Cody screamed in to get back to Jeremy. I couldn’t stay there for one more second. An ice cream cone soothed my little boy. While he ate, I quietly cried. I lied to myself that they were angry tears. **** Friday night the stadium was packed full of town people. A group of kids played tag on the hill next to the home bleachers. The current and retired school faculty sat in the appropriate spot. Parents sat next to them. An entire section was reserved for the rowdy juniors and seniors. A dedicated spot for the cool kids. During the pregame and first half I bumped into lots of old high school friends, many of whom had moved away from Cherryville. Homecoming weekend brought us all back to our teen years. The stories flowed and old memories were dredged up once again. Looking around at the scene I remembered why, despite all the gossip, I stayed in this little town. Cherryville was home to a large number of dear friends, a big extended family. My good friend Joan came back each year and we talked as if we never parted. Her two kids were older and one had just started to drive. I knew a toddler was tough but thankfully I had lots of time to get used to the idea of Cody driving. The Panthers won fourteen to seven. I missed the last half of the game since Cody needed to get home to bed. I already kept him up too late. He made it long enough to see the handful of floats drive around the track. He waved to the king and queen and shouted for more candy. Missing the second half of the game was not a big deal. I wasted most of the first half looking around for Dr. Nelson. I located him after the first touch down. He sat at an angle that made it hard for me to see him. I was glad Cody didn’t spot him. I didn’t want another scene. The doctor wasn’t alone but the people next to him had light hair due to graying, not highlights. Not that I cared. **** I stood in front of my sister’s bathroom mirror examining my outfit. The bar would be too warm for a turtleneck, but I had no choice. The lump on my throat was noticeable and I needed to cover it up. A couple of twists and my reflection showed that I still had enough natural lift and tuck to my body to pass as attractive. Tight jeans that held things in the right places helped also. Leah popped her head into the bathroom. �śYou look nice. Are you planning to meet anyone downtown?” She grinned wickedly. All the high school kids were getting ready for the Saturday evening homecoming dance. The older inhabitants of Cherryville prepared to venture out to the bars. It didn’t matter if you drank or not. It didn’t even matter if you were ten days into your sobriety. Everyone met downtown. �śThank you and no, I’m not meeting anyone. Stop asking me about him.” I decided to wear my hair down. At first it was in hopes of covering the side of my neck but it wasn’t going to work. Taping my hair to my neck would have done the trick, but that seemed a little extreme. Since my hair was down and the shirt a little dressier I decided to put on some makeup. I felt like a painted clown. �śYou need a little eyebrow pencil and some lipstick.” In a sisterly fashion, she didn’t even ask, she just grabbed the appropriate tools and went to work completing my face. �śThanks for taking Cody tonight. I owe you one.” �śNo you don’t.” She snorted at my unruly brows and grabbed the tweezers. �śZach wanted a sleepover anyway. Once Rachel gets home from Amy’s, I’ll buzz down and meet Brian for a quick beer. The little guys will be asleep by then anyway. ” Brian was Leah’s husband and Rachel her adorable fourteen year old daughter. �śI’m meeting Randy and the gang at Axle’s. I think I’ll stay for a little while to see who I missed last night but I might make it an early night.” I held still as best I could. �śThe thought of an empty house and the potential of sleeping in are just too tempting. I might start my hibernation early.” Leah scanned me thoroughly. �śSo, when are you going to get that looked at?” �śWhat are you talking about?” She couldn’t possibly have known. �śThe lump on your neck. Don’t play dumb with me, Tracy. Becky Iverson had the same thing. You remember her. Her daughter took dance with Rachel. Anyway, after she moved to Milwaukee, we got a Christmas letter from her and she talked about it; a nodule or something. Apparently it turned out to be nothing.” I wondered why on earth someone would write such a thing in their holiday letter. I tried my best younger sister tactic and ignored Leah’s main point. �śThey moved to Milwaukee? When was that?” �śTracy, knock it off. I’m not falling for that. I can see the lump on your throat, you touch it every two minutes and you’ve lost about ten pounds.” She grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me so I’d look her in the eye. �śSweetie, I’ll go with you to get it removed. It’ll be okay. You can stay here to recover if you need to. Zach will love having Cody around and I will wait on you hand and foot.” She fluffed my hair and assaulted me with hairspray. �śThis is your one and only chance �Ścause when I retire and we’re both old and grey, I plan to be down in Arizona playing golf and sipping margaritas by the pool.” Crying would have wasted perfectly good make up. I wore it so seldom I wasn’t sure I could do repair work. I’d have to start over again. I waited a minute before responding so the words wouldn’t push out the tears. �śThanks.” �śHey, what are sisters for?” She smiled at me and pinched my cheek. �śI know you’ve been in to see Dr. Nelson a few times. Is this lump what all those visits were all about? Here I was hoping you had some steamy romance brewing.” �śGod, unbelievable! I thought patient doctor information was supposed to be confidential!” �śMaggie thought you might be stopping by for more than just medical reasons.” She baited me into telling her more. �śNo! I’ve been to his office because he’s been trying to convince me to get a biopsy.” I poked my head out the bathroom door to look at the kids playing in the TV room. Zach and Cody had a monstrous fort built. Every blanket and pillow in the house was draped over couches and chairs. Dinosaurs and army men decorated the roof tops. I examined my decorated face in the mirror. My sister made even me look good. Without a word Leah stuffed the lipstick and a few other things into my purse. I’d have to remind myself to reapply during the evening. �śShoot. There’s nothing going on between you two? He sure looked glad to see you and Cody yesterday at the parade. That is, until you bit his head off for no reason. The guy looked like a lost puppy watching you walk away.” �śHe did not.” �śSeriously, I think he likes you. God knows why.” Leah picked up a lint roller and cleaned off my shirt. �śHaven’t you noticed?” �śWell�Ś” I debated if I should tell her. I knew she wouldn’t gossip about me. I learned of her loyalty during the early days of my separation. Town folk were just aching for some information but she never revealed a word. I could tell her anything. Funny thing was I didn’t. My personal life remained private even to family. �śNever mind.” �śOh, my God! Tell me! Tell me everything!” She threw the roller on the counter and dug her fingers into my upper arms as if the claw marks would force me spill juicy information. �śOuch! It’s really not even worth mentioning.” �śWhat? If you don’t tell me right now I’m going to explode!” �śWell, he said he liked me. That he was attracted to me.” Leah’s eyes couldn’t have gotten any wider. �śI thought he was just being friendly so I’d agree to his medical recommendations, but apparently not.” Her jaw dropped to match her bulging eyes. �śYou thought he was flirting with you just to get you to have blood work done or something?” �śI know it sounds bad. I felt awful after I realized how insulting I was. I guess I should have figured it out when he kissed me.” �śHe what?” �śShh. Gez, Leah. Yeah, so he kissed me,” My gaze feel to the floor. �śA few times.” �śOh, good dear God, Tracy. I don’t understand. You two should be going out, he should be on his way here to pick you up. What did you do to scare him away?” I gathered my strength and tried to sound as convincing as possible. �śI told him I wasn’t interested in him and never would be.” In a very typical older sister style, Leah turned and stomped out of the room. Her departing words were �śYou’re an idiot.” **** In Cherryville the bars pack to capacity with current and previous residents a few evenings a year; the night of the homecoming dance, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and the weekend of Watermelon Days. People will schedule their annual trips back to town around these dates. Local brides never hold their weddings on the same night as these events. If they do, a majority of their guest list will be found downtown instead of at the Knights of Columbus Hall. Main Street Cherryville has a liquor serving establishment about every five buildings - on both sides. Each location has its own personality and clientele. Over the years, I’ve seen the faces change, but the crowd dynamics remain consistent. Paul’s has always attracted the youngest crowd. The freshly legal faces are beaming with happiness. They can’t wait to throw out the names of creative drinks to the bartender. I’ll have a Sex on the Beach, Purple Monkey, Wombat, etc. The jukebox plays loud pop songs, tables are few, and the women in the beer posters have very little clothing on. The most prominent characteristic of Paul’s is the dance floor. Younger drinkers dance. Families, who want to be a part of the festivities, but have young children in tow, hang out at the restaurants on Main. It’s nearly impossible to find a sitter on these nights. If an aging grandmother is still somewhat capable of caring for kids, she is sure to be found at home with the grandkids and a few neighbor children as well. As the townies age and mellow, most will migrate to The Blue Note. Here music is kept at a low level, there are plenty of tables for chatting or poker and people order drinks with names everyone has heard of. These drinks come in two varieties: clear or some shade of brown. The dead animals decorating the paneled perimeter are an integral part of bar discussions. The largest dead animal in the room produced the most conversation. Bob Schmidt claims he shot the ten point buck while perched high in his deer stand. His hunting buddies swear Bob was behind a bush reading the newspaper. Hanging the mounted head near the bathrooms added to the fun of telling the story. I headed to the bar that fit my personality, Axle’s. It could be labeled a biker bar except that most of the regulars owned big tricked out trucks instead. The small parking lot behind the bar glowed with bright lights. Some said it was like this to prevent theft, but I knew it was so the guys could gather and brag about their vehicles well into the night. The sign outside read Corner Bar, but only someone not from, or new to town called it that. Many years ago one of the original owners of the bar had a dog named Axle. The dog would accompany the man in the bar. A picture of him is still taped to the cash register; the dog’s, not the man’s. A few people lingered and chatted on the front sidewalk as I pulled up. I left any potential parking spots open in the back for guys with a praise worthy truck. My rusty four door sedan didn’t belong back there. With a bar like Axle’s, you didn’t have to worry about meeting up with a friend elsewhere in advance or even picking a specific time to arrive. The second you walked in the door, all eyes would turn and you instantly were folded into the atmosphere. I saw Randy and Chuck near the pool table and waved, acknowledging I knew where they were. Three conversations took place on my way to the bartender. Before I reached the highly polished counter, a beer was already in my hand. I had brought about thirty dollars with me, but knew I wouldn’t spend a dime. The evening started early in small towns on these nights. There were so many people to talk to. If you were fashionably late you’d be accused of �Śhaving something better to do.’ Getting out of that insult took a little time and a damn good excuse. All the patrons of Axle’s drank beer, in bottles. A woman with a glass of white wine in her hand was either a new girlfriend or an out of town cousin visiting for the holidays. Most of these women switched to beer after the first glass anyway because the stale wine tasted awful. The comment of �śI’ll drink anything white” didn’t apply in this case. The jukebox got shoved in the back near the pool table. Steve, the current owner, loaded it with only country music. Not one oldie or pop songs were among the 200 title choices. Chuck kept feeding it with quarters and pushing buttons. He’d had a few too many beers and queued up so many songs they’d still be playing for the seven a.m. cleaning crew. Randy took his wallet and keys away and said he’d give him back both after he drove him home. The guys from the shop, their wives and girlfriends and I settled in deep conversation. The same old stories were told about practical jokes and mishaps at the garage. Buzz had created a faux frame for my used tire invoice of $55,750. He teased Stan Kimble, the guy who ordered the tire, that the interest on the unpaid balance was piling up. I planned to say hi to a few people, stay the required amount of time to be able to leave without protest, and then head home. Before I knew it the clock said eleven p.m. All ideas of going to bed early went out the window. The crowd thinned and I started nursing my beer. If it got below half full someone would buy me another. Two fisted drinking in a small town is not a sign of a problem, but instead an indication of generous friends. Just before midnight all eyes turned to the front entrance to watch the new face enter. Green eyed, handsome Dr. Jeremy Nelson stood out in his khakis and his borrowed letter jacket. He took long strides through the room full of black t-shirts and leather jackets. The distance between us closed and he stared at me with an angry, determined look. I wondered which would be worse, staying in my current position and enduring the inevitable scene or racing out the back door. Part IV I decided to stand my ground. �śHi Dr. Nelson, I was just leaving.” �śTracy, we need to talk.” He nodded to the group behind me. �śRandy, Chuck, Buzz, ladies, how are you this evening?” He didn’t wait for an answer and dragged me off to the side by my elbow. �śWill you knock it off? People are starring!” �śI could care less if this ends up on the evening news. You’re spreading rumors about me!” His face was too close for my comfort. �śWhat are you talking about? Remember, I’m the patient that hates gossip.” I backed up a foot or so but he followed. �śYou told people I was dating Tanya Beckford.” Oh that. Well, I didn’t actually tell people they were dating. I just mentioned to a couple of my friends at the game that they looked cute together at the parade. �śI didn’t say you two were dating. Aren’t you dating?” I didn’t care. Why did I ask that? Jeremy removed his jacket and tossed it on a nearby chair. He moved further into my personal space and put his hands on my upper arms. �śTracy, I kissed you about two weeks ago. Do you think I’ve replaced you that quickly? Is that what you think of me?” I glanced around to room to notice we were the center of attention. �śWell, I don’t really think about you at all, Jeremy.” It was a damn good lie but delivered in a 100% unconvincing fashion. �śBullshit!” �śJeremy!” A few of the bar patrons laughed. �śYou need to back off and stop touching me. People are watching us.” I tried to wiggle out of his grasp but was unsuccessful. �śYou seem to care so much about what people think and say about you. Well you know what? I don’t care at all. I like you, Tracy. I don’t care if people see us together, listen to our conversation or watch us slow dance and gaze into each others eyes.” I looked at him shocked and horrified at his last suggestion. �śThere is no way in hell�Ś” �śOh no, why not? Are you afraid people will see you let your guard down, show them you’re happy?” He let go of my shoulders and started digging in his pants pockets. �śWhat are you doing?” The doctor found a couple quarters and stepped back to the jukebox. �śI’m going to play a slow song so we can dance.” �śWhat!” I prepared to protest but realized he had a problem. Before he could drop the quarters I put my hand over the coin slot. �śDon’t even bother, Jeremy. Chuck has feed this thing with about $22 already tonight. He tends to like Hank Williams Jr. or anything with a country-rock beat to it.” Jeremy glanced at my friends. �śSo, you’ll have to come back tomorrow if you want to hear your song. Besides,” I announced sarcastically, �śno one dances in this bar!” My triumphant grin faded quickly. The fates were not with me that night because just as I finished my last sentence the song on the jukebox switched and a light tinkling melody of a Garth Brooks ballad started. I turned to Chuck and sent him such a dirty look he hid behind Randy. �śWhat’d I do?” he slurred. �śPerfect,” Jeremy said as he grabbed my hand and started sliding tables and chairs back to make a small dance floor. I tried to resist but realized I was drawing more attention to us. If that was even possible. �śWe are not going to dance in here! Didn’t you hear what I said? People don’t dance in this place!” Jeremy placed my hands around his neck and circled my waist with his arms. �śI think you have it wrong, look.” Near the back wall Randy and his wife swayed to the music. Chuck and a gal I’d seen around before were making their way toward us. �śFucking hell.” �śI’m going to have to break you of that habit.” His arms tightened around me. �śDon’t you dare pull me in against you.” �śWhy not? Afraid you’ll like it too much?” �śShut up.” So what if my thoughts screamed yes. I couldn’t believe these people were dancing! Ever since turning legal and my first visit to this bar I’d never seen anyone dance in here. My sister Leah joined in with her husband near the bar. She caught me looking at her and winked. I mouthed back �Śtraitor’ and stuck out my tongue. Steve dimmed the lights and Jeremy pressed his check against my temple. �śPlease, Tracy, give us a chance. Your words say one thing but your eyes say another. I know you have feelings for me.” All I could do was shake my head no. The tone in my voice would have given me away. He was right. I wanted so bad just to hold him and not care about anyone seeing us. To kiss like Randy and his wife were doing just then. No cares, no rumors. �śOK, I’ll bring up a new subject then,” he said sarcastically. �śHow’s you neck? Any more trouble swallowing? Does it hurt when you press it?” �śOh my god I’m not going to have to worry about this lump soon because you’re giving me ulcers.” I had to laugh. The man was persistent. Our eyes met and for a moment I wanted to feel his stubble against my lips. �śTracy, please. Will you give me a chance?” I stared at the wall behind him to avoid the temptation of his skin. A vision of Cody and Jeremy popped into my head. The little boy’s eyes lit up when the doctor was around. How is it that seeing the two of them together made me so happy? These weren’t just memories, my mind created future scenarios of piggy back rides, water balloon fights and little league. Instead of blocking these thoughts from my brain they morphed into images of the three of us together, Jeremy and I each taking one of Cody’s hands and swinging him in the air as we walked down the sidewalk, playing kick ball in the park, and sitting in the audience watching him sing on stage at school. The skin on his neck was warm against my hand. It took all of my control not to twirl my fingers through the curls that brushed my knuckles. I was running out of reasons and will power to push him away. I needed to get out of there. The final notes of the song played and I pushed back to make my escape. �śThanks for the dance, Jeremy, but I�ł” The song changed and the exact same tinkling Garth Brooks melody started again. I turned and smacked Chuck on the arm. �śWhat’d I do now?” Everyone in Axle’s laughed. �śI’ll say it again, perfect.” Jeremy spun me back into position and this time held me close. Our bodies touched top to bottom, shoulders to knees. The sensation of his neck had me distracted enough as it was, feeling the connection of our bodies pushed me over the edge. He wrapped his arms around my lower back and gave me a gentle squeeze. I let down my defenses and breathed in the scent of his neck. He whispered a reply in my ear. �śSee, now isn’t this nice? Admit it.” �śMaybe.” I closed my eyes and pretended we were alone. Just he and I dancing with no eyes on us. My fingers played with his hair. I felt the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. �śTracy?” �śYes?” �śPlease don’t give up on us before we’ve even tried.” I didn’t respond. He pushed me back to look into my eyes. If I had leaned forward slightly our lips would touch. I watched those lips as he said, �śI haven’t felt this way about anyone before and I’m not sure if I can stop.” I turned my head and lay it on his chest. He wasn’t seeing Tanya. He wanted me. Could this happen? He seemed to be thinking about me as much as I was thinking about him. Could there be an �Śus’? We danced silently and the song ended too soon. My idyllic moment ended quickly when someone shouted across the bar, �śSo, Doc and Tracy, when’s the wedding?” Others laughed and joined in. �śGee, Tracy, looks like you’ll be quitting your job at the garage soon.” Jeremy looked stunned and caught the look of embarrassment on my face. This was not what he wanted. All his headway quickly vanished. My sister Leah tried to tell a couple people to shut up but they continued. �śMaybe Cody will have a new brother or sister soon,.” someone shouted from near the front door. �śThe good doctor can deliver it himself since he’ll be familiar with the area!” Everyone roared with laughter. Humiliation washed over me. I glared at Jeremy and said, �śHappy now?” I raced past Randy and the guys to grab my coat and purse. Most of the bar had stopped laughing by the time the back door slammed behind me. **** I drove around town for a half hour before turning toward home. I needed to calm down and try to push the evening out of my mind. Sitting home alone wouldn’t help. Tomorrow I’d call Jeremy and tell him to stay away. Perhaps I could convince him to not accept the position at the clinic. The words of the people in the bar were hurtful. Now I’d have to endure a few weeks of people asking me why we broke up. �śBecause we were never going out!” I screamed to no one in particular as I made my way down the ally to my garage. I swung my car wide to make the right turn into it and slammed on the brakes just in time to avoid hitting a car parked inside. �śWhat the hell?” At first I thought maybe some teenagers had stopped in there again to make out. The automatic garage door didn’t work so I left it up most of the time. Last winter I interrupted a couple of love birds late one night. I backed up to flash my brights and got a better look at the car. A shiny silver BMW. �śFucking hell.” My tires spun out on the gravel as I pulled forward to park in an opening next to my neighbor’s garage. Mrs. Watts was in Arizona for the winter anyway. The back door smacked into the kitchen counter as I stormed in. �śJeremy, what the hell are you doing in my house?” All the lights were off except a dim glow coming from the living room. I made for it, ready to wring his neck. �śHi.” His voice was calm and apologetic. I turned to its location and saw a dark outline rocking in the corner. Two small candles burned on the coffee table. My hands gestured hopelessly into the air. �śWhy?” I had given up trying to figure him out. He stood and walked toward me. For whatever reason his shirt was untucked and distracting as hell. Why did I visualize running my hands underneath and over his chest? �śI came over to say I’m sorry. You have to know that is the last thing I wanted to have happen tonight.” �śIt’s too late now. The damage is done. I was going to call you tomorrow and tell you this but I will just tell you now�Ś” I fidgeted and noticed he was drawing closer to me. �śTracy, there is no one here to see us. No one knows I’m around.” I held up my hand in a stop signal. �śJust let me say this.” �śNo.” Jeremy held my face in his hands and he kissed me. This kiss was different than the one that happened a couple weeks before in almost this exact same spot. It was much more intense, telling. I completely forgot what I was going to say. My hands wrapped around him and I returned the emotion of our kiss. No one could see us. No one would know or judge. �śYou’re not letting me talk,” I whispered as he kissed my neck. He pressed a little too hard on the lump on my neck. �śOuch.” �śSorry. I’m sorry.” He grabbed my face and kissed my forehead. �śGod I wish you’d get that taken care of. It’s nothing. I keep telling you it’s just-�ś I silenced him with a kiss which he broke sooner than I expected. �śI want to hear you say one thing, Tracy.” He stared into my eyes. �śAdmit that you like me.” The feel of his skin on my hands surprised me. My subconscious was taking over and I found the path under his shirt. We kissed again, deeper but he pulled away to hear my answer. �śYes, I like you.” �śBecause we’re alone? What about tomorrow? Will you let me come to your office? What about the next football game?” �śOf course I like you. I think I really like you.” This made him smile. �śBut to be public about it. I, I don’t know. It just seems so impossible, especially after tonight.” �śTonight sucked, I agree, but maybe they all just need some time to get used to us.” He sat us down on the couch and pulled me on top of him, my legs off to one side. I wrapped my arms around him and lay my head on his shoulder, not wanting to lose the feeling of our bodies next to each other. Why couldn’t he just concentrate on the moment? �śThis town loves gossip.” �śWhy don’t people gossip about Randy or your sister?” �śBecause there’s nothing to gossip about. They’re just normal people. Townies see them everywhere and already know their business.” I fell into his trap and didn’t realize it until it was too late. �śThe town folk are used to them.” �śExactly.” He pushed me off his shoulder and kissed me again. For a moment I forgot my name or what country I was in. �śTracy, I like you too. In fact, I really like you.” He pivoted and pinned me beneath him on the couch. Laughing he said, �śYou better agree to be my girlfriend or I’m going to feel awfully bad about attacking you.” I gave a mock scream and tried to wiggle away, but not too seriously. �śPlease no, help me.” We kissed and I noticed how well we fit together in this position. I found the path under his shirt again and he untucked my sweater. For once my mind and words didn’t put an end to the situation. I liked him and he more than liked me. The vision in my mind showed me that we’d get through this some how. The happy scenarios with the three of us outweighed the embarrassing gossip situations. He stopped nibbling my ear to force me to answer his question. �śAre you?” I ran a hand over his face and ran it through his curls. �śYes, you can call me your girlfriend, but only if you promise to keep it between us for a little while.” �śUgh!” He laid his head into the pillow. �śYou’re killing me.” I was about to give him a sassy reply when something buzzed against my hip. I thought I knew the male anatomy pretty well but this was a new one for me. �śWhat the hell is that?” �śOh crap!” Jeremy said as he jumped up off the couch and dug the phone out of his pocket. �śYes. Yes. I’ll be there right away.” He flipped the phone closed and ran to the back door. �śI’ve got to go to the clinic. That was Sherriff McCabe. One of the high school kids tried to jump a bonfire and didn’t quite make it.” �śOh my God!” �śIt’s not bad enough to take him to the hospital in Des Moines, but he needs my attention right away. The kid’s dad is bringing him in to the clinic.” Before he bolted out the door he turned around and kissed me quickly. �śMeet me at the bakery tomorrow at ten.” �śWhat? Wait, um, no I can’t.” But it was too late. He was gone. �śThat is a horrible idea Jeremy,” I said to no one. �śThat is the complete opposite of keeping things between us.” **** By seven a.m. I was awake and had it all planned out. Leah and I would go to the bakery with all the kids. Leah would talk to Jeremy by herself and tell him that I’d call him later, but he was not, for any reason, to talk to me at the bakery. I called her a little before nine with my plan. She had to hear the whole juicy story before she agreed to help. By nine-fifty I was on my way to the bakery feeling like I was back in middle school. �ŚYou tell Sandy, to tell Jessica that I like her cousin Tom but only if he says he likes me first and I don’t like-like him I just kinda-like him.’ The bakery was packed. Early church services got out around nine forty-five and the next ones didn’t start until around eleven. Most folks were still in town for the homecoming festivities. The bakery served as a perfect spot to meet and say a final goodbye to out of town guests and relatives. The five of us piled in to the crowded room. After a quick scan and not noticing Jeremy we made our way to the display counter. Zach and Cody left nose prints up and down the glass as they tried to decide which sugary treat to get. Leah and Rachel stopped to talk to one of the other dance moms near the door. �śPick out something small, guys. You’ve already had pancakes this morning.” I put two fingers up to the gal behind the counter when she waved a coffee cup at me. I also indicated the little guys and signaled three. She knew that meant three milks. Cody turned to ask if he could have a particular item and I saw his face light up as it locked on something behind me. My gut dropped. �śJerewee!” He ran a few steps and flung himself into the air. I didn’t have to turn to know he had been safely caught. I pretended not to notice the reunion behind me. I prayed to God that Leah was making her way across the crowded room to complete her task. I’d be minus one sister if she failed. My heart pounded as I paid for the drinks and told the girl to wrap up three chocolate covered donuts and two apple fritters. �śTracy.” I ignored him with all my might. �śTracy, look at me.” My billfold suddenly needed straightening. �śTracy.” �śMommy! Jerewee is trying to talk to you!” My toddler had a very loud voice when he wanted to be heard. I spun to look at the two of them the same time everyone else did. �śOh, hi Dr. Nelson. I can take him from you. We were just on our way out.” Jeremy leaned in and whispered, �śTry not to look angry. This will be over in a couple minutes.” He turned to face the crowd. �śHi everyone. I’m glad Cody got your attention. I have an announcement.” �śWait! What the hell�Ś” I hissed but gave up. It was too late. My sister looked at me helplessly from her position. She failed and my glare let her know it. �śHow’s Parker, Dr. Nelson?” someone from a group of men asked. �śOh, the burns aren’t that severe. He’ll be out the rest of the football season but should be fine by the time basketball starts.” Dr. Nelson apparently knew what some town people put at the top of the importance list. A few nods and sighs of relief rippled through the crowd. The doctor continued. �śMost of you have heard by now that I have decided to stay in Cherryville permanently.” This prompted a round of applause and a few rental offers. I wished will all my might that he’d put Cody down. People would get the wrong idea. Cody loved the attention and hung on Jeremy’s every word. After hearing this last statement, the little guy gave him a big hug. A heartfelt �śAww” flowed through the bakery. By this time I had made my way over to Leah with our tray. Through smiling, clenched teeth I said, �śI am going to fucking kill you.” �śCherryville is a fantastic town and I have been given such a warm welcome I want to stay.” I thanked god that was over and elbowed Leah to make her move to deliver my message. But she didn’t get a chance. Looking directly at me he said, �śI have another announcement to make.” His words came back to me and suddenly made sense. �śTry not to look angry. This will be over in a couple minutes.” �śOh shit.” �śI normally don’t share my personal business but this time I think it is important to lay things out on the table.” My face pleaded him to stop. He ignored me. �śTracy Campbell and I are dating.” I turned beat red and gave the crowd a sheepish grin. I would have backed out the door but my sister had hold of my shirt. Mrs. Larson looked astonished. I’m sure she had high hopes for Dr. Nelson and Tanya Beckford. A genuine smile crossed my face when I realized I foiled her plans. A little voice rose above the murmurs. �śWait.” Cody held Jeremy’s face in his little hands. �śDo you like my mommy?” The town folks of Cherryville laughed and sent out another round of �śAwws.” �śYes, Cody. I like your mommy, a lot.” The little guy was so excited he screamed across the room, �śMommy, Jerewee likes you!” I joined the two guys staring at me and added, �śI like Jeremy too honey.” The doctor smiled at me knowing he accomplished what he set out to. People were talking and murmuring all around us. The news would spread like wildfire through the town and hopefully die down just as fast. �śSee, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jeremy gave me a squeeze and Cody wrapped me in a head locking hug of his own. For once I didn’t care who saw us. �śIt was absolutely horrible.” He chuckled. �śI like getting my way. I could get used to this.” He led the two of us to the booth Leah, Zach and Rachel just sat down at. �śIn fact, I think we need to bring up the subject of that biopsy again. I know a local doctor who is available.” **** The snow fell lightly that Christmas Eve. Cody and I played in the front yard and watched as Jeremy pulled up in the moving van. �śTime to unload your stuff, big guy.” Jeremy scooped up some snow and tossed it in our direction. �śDon’t start that,” I laughed brushing snow off of me. �śYou’ll never get him to help.” Only a few months had passed since we started dating, probably too soon to be moving in together. Some things you just know, so why fight it. My old house held too many memories with my ex so we decided to start fresh in a new house. This one had a big back yard with its own swing set. �śJeremy, which box has my bear in it? Bear Bear can’t sleep without me.” The back of the truck was opened and a small box of toys were handed over to Cody. �śHere you go kiddo. Bear Bear and a few other things.” I waited my turn for a box. �śRandy and Buzz will be here soon. Mrs. Larson has already been by with a cake.” �śA cake? Aren’t the neighbors supposed to bring treats by as an introduction?” He handed me a couple lamps. �śOh, she just came over because she wanted a tour of the place. I don’t think the Johnsons ever invited her to any of their dinner parties.” �śWow, that must have really irritated her. What did she think of the place?” I laughed and said, �śI don’t know, I didn’t invite her in.” �śYou’re evil.” �śYeah, well, she’s a busy body.” Cody had made it about half way up the sidewalk. The box slipped and crashed to the ground. �śFucking hell!” �śCody James Camp�ł” �śDon’t you dare yell at him, Tracy. He got that from you.” Jeremy turned to the little guy. �śHere, buddy, let me help you.” He popped the box open and handed the ragged bear to Cody. �śCody, you can’t use those words. In fact, your mommy can’t use those words anymore either. Ok? Got it?” �śGot it. Sorry, Jeremy.” He gave his bear a big squeeze and grabbed Jeremy’s hand. We all walked into the house together. The guys came over and helped us unload the truck. Chuck and the ladies showed up later with a small but fully decorated Christmas tree as a house warming gift. Later that night, after Cody had opened his presents and got thoroughly tucked into bed, Jeremy gave me a necklace as my gift. The length fell perfectly to hide the small scar on my throat. Seems he was right all along. It turned out to be nothing. One easy surgery removed it all. The second gift made me cry. A full box of painting supplies. Oils, canvases, brushes, an easel. I loved it all. He hadn’t forgotten The third gift �Ś. I tried not to swear as I opened the small velvet box. Really, I did. But some emotions are hard to hold back. The end

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