SHORT
AND
SWEET
Quick
Creative Writing
Activities
that Encourage
Imagination, Humor
and Enthusiasm for Writing
Randy Larson
Illustrated by Patricia Howard
Cottonwood Press, Inc.
Fort Collins, Colorado
Second edition copyright © 1997 by Cottonwood Press, Inc.
Copyright © 1993 by Cottonwood Press, Inc.
Permission is granted to reproduce activities in this book for the purchaser s own personal
use in the classroom, provided that the copyright notice appears on each reproduction.
Otherwise, no part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any
means without written permission from Cottonwood Press.
Requests for special permission should be addressed to:
Cottonwood Press, Inc.
109-B Cameron Drive
Fort Collins, Colorado 80525
E-mail: cottonwood@cottonwoodpress.com
Web: www.cottonwoodpress.com
Phone: 1-800-864-4297
Fax: 970-204-0761
Ebook ISBN 978-1-936162-13-0
Printed in the United States of America
This book is dedicated to Anne Charter,
my high school English teacher at Gwinn High School.
She pointed the way.
Table of Contents
Introduction ................................................................................................................................................7
Endangered Pumpkins..............................................................................................................................9
Darby and Donna Dooright..................................................................................................................10
Waxing Hysterical ..................................................................................................................................11
Testing, Testing ......................................................................................................................................12
It All Started Like This..........................................................................................................................13
A Pain in the Neck ..................................................................................................................................14
Moonwalk ..................................................................................................................................................15
Mail-Order Heart Throb ......................................................................................................................16
Practically Joking ....................................................................................................................................17
1-900-PIMPLES......................................................................................................................................18
Widgets for Sale ......................................................................................................................................19
A Friendly Chat........................................................................................................................................20
Missing ......................................................................................................................................................21
Are We Having Fun Yet? ......................................................................................................................22
Pop Goes the Genie ................................................................................................................................23
Treasure at Midnight ............................................................................................................................24
Waiting for Pop to Drop........................................................................................................................25
Comeback Comments..............................................................................................................................26
Flying High ..............................................................................................................................................27
Car Salesman Boogie ..............................................................................................................................28
Unlucky You..............................................................................................................................................29
Speak Up ....................................................................................................................................................30
Reality, Please ..........................................................................................................................................31
A Fairly Weird Fairy Tale ....................................................................................................................32
Tabloid Times ..........................................................................................................................................33
Revenge of the Critic ..............................................................................................................................34
Howling for Justice..................................................................................................................................35
Absolutely Perfect....................................................................................................................................36
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5
Introduction
Short and Sweet was written with the intention of getting kids to say, Hey, this is cool.
Let me borrow a pen, okay? The exercises in the book are designed to stir students
imaginations, to create an immediate interest in writing, and to provide exercises brief
enough that all students, regardless of ability or skill level, can complete them.
Short. The word Short in the title means just that. The exercises are designed to be
completed quickly, in less than a class period. Teachers who need a warmer-upper on a flat
Monday morning, or a finisher-offer on a wild Friday afternoon, can get quick results with
Short and Sweet. A substitute teacher with shaky or non-existent plans can get things
rolling with a quick ten or fifteen-minute Short and Sweet writing exercise. When a new
teacher finds that the lesson on topic sentences has ended 20 minutes too soon, he or she
can say, Okay, here s a Short and Sweet exercise for today. I ll be coming around the room
looking for a solid topic sentence in your writing, and I ll be sure to save time for some of
you to share what you have written. That is an important part of Short and Sweet shar-
ing. Students will enjoy writing on the unusual topics, knowing that they will have an audi-
ence to appreciate what they have created.
Sweet. The word Sweet in the title means that the writing assignments are palatable
enough to make students want to come back to the writing process, again and again. Gifted
students and high-risk students alike will enjoy offbeat writing activities like writing paro-
dies of tabloid-style newspapers, telling about the unluckiest person in the world appearing
on a game show, making up dramatic stories to explain a cast or bandage, or concocting
Rare Vegetables Federation rescues for endangered pumpkins. Writing activities like these
get the attention of today s young people and keep them on task.
Uses. Short and Sweet can be used as a class reward, as a learning check ( I ll be looking
for one sentence with commas in a series, or Show me a compound sentence in your
work. ), as a motivator for a lackluster group of non-writers who had no choice but to take
your class, as a filler on days when the glass-blowing acrobat arrived an hour late for the
morning assembly, or as a simple way for teachers to get closer to their students by laugh-
ing with them, commenting on their work, complimenting valiant efforts and appreciating
creative bursts that will surely come from students who may never before have seemed
capable of a fresh thought or an unusual perspective.
Have fun with your students as they have fun with Short and Sweet.
Randy Larson
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7
Name __________________________
Endangered Pumpkins
You are the new director of the Rare Vegetables Federation. You have received a report
that the Siberian Exploding Pumpkin is in trouble. It is a rare species of pumpkin that
grows on the Siberian plains in the dead of winter and reseeds itself by exploding during
the first full moon in spring.
There are five of these pumpkins left in the world, but they have been hijacked and
stashed in a garage in Sausalito, California. A woman known in the seed business as Hybrid
Hazel is holding the pumpkins ransom to the highest bidder. Her estate is protected by
both guard dogs and a laser beam pumpkin protection system. Getting the rare Siberian
Pumpkins back will not be easy.
You must write up a plan to rescue the Siberian Exploding Pumpkins from the hands of
Hazel and her horrible helpers. It will be a dangerous mission, perhaps similar to the time
the Rare Vegetables Federation s Cucumber Commandos raided a French seed company
and stole back two dozen long-stemmed cucumbers lifted from the Museum of Classical
Vegetables in Paris.
Your plan must be shrewd. It must be properly punctuated. And it must convince your
members to once again risk their lives for an important vegetable. Write out your plan
below. Good luck, and good writing!
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
9
Name __________________________
Darby and Donna Dooright
Darby and Donna Dooright are compulsive do-gooders. They are determined to
spread joy and good cheer throughout the world by any means possible. They put nickels
in the change return slot of pay phones so that people who check for coins will find a small
surprise. They let people go ahead of them in long lines at the movies, sweep the streets for
free after parades and always leave the unused portion of their detergent at the laundromat.
Why do the Doorights do this? What else have they done? What will they do next?
You, as a reporter for the Foghorn Gazette, have been assigned to do a feature story on
Darby and Donna Dooright. Follow them for a week and write your account of their gen-
erous but unusual behavior.
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Name __________________________
Waxing Hysterical
Your class is on a field trip to a wax museum in the city. Everybody files into the muse-
um and immediately scatters from one end of the building to the other. You find some
interesting pamphlets about the characters on Murderers Row, a section of the museum
that contains wax figures representing killers executed for their crimes.
You sit in a soft chair behind a stack of magazines to read the pamphlets for just a
moment, but soon you fall fast asleep. Hours pass, and suddenly you are awake. It is dark,
except for the lights at the base of the wax figures, lights that are throwing a weak, eerie
glow into the room. You go to the door of Murderers Row and turn the knob. It is bolt-
ed. There are no windows. You are trapped and alone. Suddenly a voice . . .
Finish the story.
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Name __________________________
Testing, Testing
You are a student of psychology at Thinkum University, studying under Dr. Schlepp, a
strange but famous psychologist with the weirdest theories ever developed about human
behavior. Dr. Schlepp believes, for example, that people who bite off spaghetti noodles
rather than sucking them in are afraid of the dark and also cannot be trusted with expen-
sive cameras. He thinks that people who write with black ink have a tendency to marry
red-haired dentists. He believes that people who won t ride Ferris wheels are always late for
funerals.
You have been asked to complete a final exam in Dr. Schlepp s class. Your assignment is
to write seven of your theories about human behavior. Good luck. (Feel free to be funny,
but be kind. Don t write any theories that degrade a person or a group of people.)
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Name __________________________
It All Started Like This
Some young people insist they have no creative juices whatsoever. Then they come up
with the most long-winded, bizarre explanations for things that have gone wrong things
that they were involved in. For example, one of them might be attempting to make a straw-
berry malt in the family blender when the potion suddenly erupts and splatters the kitchen
with pink goo. The parents walk in, and they hear, Gee, you wouldn t believe what hap-
pened. It all started like this . . . Then the young person goes into a long explanation that
involves meteor showers, power surges, inconsiderate behavior on the part of little broth-
ers, and the high price of gasoline in Europe.
Imagine yourself in each of the situations described below. Then make up a story that
attempts to get you off the hook. Begin each explanation with these words: It all started
like this . . .
1. Your parents discover that the family station wagon has a small, round hole in the
windshield, and it wasn t there before.
2. Your mom turns on her computer and finds that the only thing left on the hard drive is
a game called Monster Mash.
3. Your parents find your report card under the toaster. There is a D- next to the
word science.
4. You come home without your $100.00 gym shoes.
5. You come home from walking the dog, without the dog.
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Name __________________________
A Pain in the Neck
Every once in a while someone will come to school or to work wearing a cast, a ban-
dage or both. Everyone asks, What happened? For the next ten minutes the poor victim
has to relive the horrors of the accident and the pain of the cure.
But it doesn t stop there. Next, someone will say, That happened to me last year, but I
broke my entire face. This person s story will be far worse than the first person s and will
take much more time. Then another person will tell how she was at the zoo and was tram-
pled by a herd of armadillos and had to have 452 stitches but she s fine now. She will
describe each of the armadillos and every doctor, nurse and attendant at the hospital. And
on and on it goes.
Because most real-life accidents aren t all that dramatic, many of us don t have an awful
cast or bandage story to tell. Maybe we tripped on the rug, fell taking out the trash, or
bumped into an open drawer boring. Now is the time to create something interesting.
Make up a great cast or a bandage story that will top anything else you have ever heard.
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Name __________________________
Moonwalk
Imagine the eerie feeling of standing on the dry, dead surface of the moon, staring back
at the earth that is floating free in the blackness of space. Are you thinking of the vast dis-
tance of 240,000 miles between you and homework? Are you thinking about how there is
no road back? Can you spot your native country beneath the white, swirling clouds? Do
you want to return, or do you want to go out even farther into space? Are you afraid, wor-
ried, excited, hopeful, depressed, calm, assured, happy?
Write your thoughts and feelings as you stand on the moon looking back at the place
that gave you birth and life.
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
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Name __________________________
Mail-Order Heart Throb
Years ago people could order houses out of the Sears catalog. They also ordered com-
plete automobiles, farm buildings, farm machinery, and just about anything else needed for
life except husbands and wives.
What if you could use a catalog to order a spouse, or even a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Can you picture such a publication? How would it be written? How would the products
be presented?
On the lines below, write out an ad for the boyfriend or girlfriend you would like to
order, the person of your dreams. Describe his or her physical appearance, attitudes, feel-
ings, perspectives on life and love, family background, future plans, hopes, dreams, fears
anything that might be appropriate.
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
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Name __________________________
Practically Joking
There once was a lady with a neighbor who constantly boasted about the mileage he
got from his new compact car. Every time he saw the woman out in her yard pruning roses
or training her cocker spaniel, he would lean over the fence and say something like, That
little car. What a dandy. Got 49 miles per gallon last week. Can t believe it!
After six months of mileage reports, the woman decided to teach her neighbor a lesson.
Every night for a month she sneaked over to the man s house and poured a gallon of gaso-
line into his tank. His gas mileage became more and more fantastic. I m up to 145 miles
per gallon! he said one Saturday morning. Can you believe it? No one s got a car like this,
I ll bet. I m going to call CNN. I think I ve got a story here. And so he did. The news peo-
ple came and took his car and tested it, and you know, of course, what they found. The
woman tended her roses in peace after that. The neighbor went out and bought a truck.
Imagine a great practical joke of your own, and describe it. Be specific. Be clever. Have fun!
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
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Name __________________________
1-900-PIMPLES
You are the person with a new, homemade cure for pimples. Everyone around you is
begging for the recipe, but you won t tell.
Your inspiration came one day while reading the new book, Squeeze Em and Weep, by
Mavis Takayuramota, Ph.D. From her suggestions and 12 common household products,
you devised a concoction that makes bumpy pimples disappear.
Now you have set up a 1-900-PIMPLES phone line that costs $15 per minute for teens
in trouble. They get to listen to your expert pimple advice. You sympathize with your
callers because you remember the pain of walking into a room with a shopping bag over
your head.
You are in your office waiting for that first call from a serious pimple victim. There it is!
The phone is ringing! Reach out and heal someone! What are you going to say?
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Name __________________________
Widgets for Sale
There are companies all over the United States that sell things that might be called
wacky widgets. Wacky widgets are silly, strange and for the most part, useless. But people
buy them anyway, for gag gifts, office parties and practical jokes.
One company sells fake bloody arms that you can hang out your car window or stuff
under your door. Others make lifelike legs, giant rubber cockroaches, pop cans that snore,
exploding golf balls, electric massage shoes or barking dog bones.
What if a company came out with a catalog of wacky widgets just for students and
teachers? What would these products look like? What would they do? Make up a title for
such a catalog, and invent six products that you think are crazy enough to include. Describe
the items with such detail that few people could resist ordering at least one.
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
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Name __________________________
A Friendly Chat
You are on a park bench, and it is spring. People are walking, jogging, playing tennis,
roller skating, biking and feeding the ducks on the pond. Suddenly, an elderly person steps
up and asks, May I sit here?
You say, Yes, of course, and the person sits down to watch the passersby.
As you look at the person out of the corner of your eye, a strange sensation comes over
you. You notice the person s eyes, mouth, chin, the slope of the forehead, the angle of the
nose. Then you look at the person s hands, and you see that the left one has a scar across
the middle knuckle, just like yours.
A chill goes down your spine as you realize you are sitting next to yourself, 50 years
into the future. Once the shock subsides, you decide to ask some questions of this strang-
er. Write your conversation with this person who is the future you. Write your questions
in such a way that the stranger never does find out who you really are.
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
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Name __________________________
Missing
It is Saturday morning and you wake up to silence which isn t right. There is no rid-
ing lawn mower roaring outside your window. No traffic. No radio blaring from your sis-
ter s room. Just silence. You sit up in bed to find a room you don t recognize. There is a
knock on the door. In comes a butler, holding a silver tray with breakfast goodies. You slam
the door behind him and run to the mirror. There, staring back at you is the image of
someone you recognize, someone famous but certainly not you.
Who is it? Jennifer Lopez? Johnny Depp? Jackie Chan? Natalie Portman? LeBron
James? Sammy Sosa? Someone else?
Whoever you are, pretend that you have a day to yourself, a day without crowds, busi-
ness agents, coaches, fans or photographers surrounding you. What will you do? Where
will you go? Will you take someone with you? How long will you be gone? Are you coming
back? How will you conceal your identity while out in public? What will your mother say?
Will this day make you happy? Will it make you a better person? Would you like another
day like this one? Why? Why not?
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
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Name __________________________
Are We Having Fun Yet?
The Vacation films made years ago, starring Chevy Chase, were well attended by
movie-goers. The films were popular partly because they had kernels of truth scattered
throughout the ridiculous scenes that kept people laughing until they cried. Almost every-
one can sympathize with two teenagers stuck in the back seat of a station wagon with an
ancient aunt or uncle. And most of us know people who go overboard decorating their
houses, yards and larger family possessions with holiday lights.
In your own words, describe what you would consider a nightmare vacation. Tell
what would be the worst place to visit, the worst people to travel with, the worst hotel you
could imagine staying in, and the worst tourist attractions you could possibly see.
Imagine the kinds of things that might go wrong, and describe all the misery you might
encounter in your nightmare vacation.
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
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Name __________________________
Pop Goes the Genie
It is Friday the 13th, and you are home alone while your parents are out with the
Hendersons. The wind has picked up and is thrashing the lilac bushes against the house.
The moon is throwing wild shadows across the window. Luckily, your dog Kibbles is in the
entrance way, guarding the door, and your cat Snoozer, who has terrific hearing, is perched
on the window seat.
Suddenly the doorbell rings and you jump from your chair. Kibbles howls and Snoozer
leaps to the floor and arches her back, staring toward the kitchen. No one is supposed to
drop by. All of your friends are at the Heavy Mushrooms concert, and you didn t order a
pizza. Who could it be?
You approach the door cautiously and look through the peep hole. Nothing. The side-
walk is empty. The street is quiet. Nothing is moving, so you open the door an inch or so to
get a better look. There on the bottom step sits a soft drink can that appears to be empty.
But how could it stay there in the wind if nothing is in it? There is no one around, so you
quickly grab the can and shut the door.
It is a soft drink brand you have never seen before, and the can looks as if it spent the
night in the gutter. You grab a towel and begin to rub the dirt off the name. Suddenly, a
puff of blue smoke shoots from the can, and a small fat genie in red boxer shorts and sun-
glasses appears. He says, I m Charlie Fizzle, the genie with sizzle! What can I do for you,
kid?
Finish the story. Tell about the strangest night of your life. Let your wishes run wild.
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
23
Name __________________________
Treasure at Midnight
Your parents have insisted that the whole family spend a day at the waterfront visiting
the aquarium, the shops and the old pirate ship anchored in the harbor as a tourist attrac-
tion. You board the ship and step down into the cramped sleeping quarters where the
pirates once bunked. Suddenly, on a shelf above one of the hammocks, you notice a small
sea chest carved out of dark, oily wood. You look to see if anyone is watching, then pick up
the chest. It is locked, so you set it down, but as you do, one of the legs falls off. You pick
up the leg to insert it back into place, and a tiny tube of paper drops out. You quickly push
the leg under the sea chest, put the paper tube in your pocket and leave.
At home in your room, you unroll the paper and find a sketch of the pirate ship, with an
X drawn near the bottom of the ship, below the water line and directly beneath the ship s
steering deck. You are sure it is a treasure map, and you will have to investigate or go crazy
by noon tomorrow. You tell your friend Jordan, who doesn t believe you but who agrees to
go along anyway.
It is a moonless midnight. An almost-tropical breeze wafts off the ocean. You slip into
the water and swim under the dock, where the pirate ship is tied. No guards are in sight.
You and Jordan steal aboard the ship and make your way to the sleeping quarters where
you found the map. As you step into the darkness, a deep, mournful voice calls out, Why
have you come? You freeze in terror as Jordan turns and races back up onto the deck . . .
Finish the story. What happened that night? Whose voice was it? How did you get out
alive? What happened to Jordan? To the treasure? To the map?
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24
Name __________________________
Waiting for Pop
to Drop
Think of the precious seconds we all waste standing around waiting for machines to
perform. We wait for microwave ovens to beep, for copy machines to spit out their papers,
for irons to heat up, for computers to print and for clothes dryers to buzz. In a year s time,
a person could easily consume 360 minutes, or six hours, just staring at the magnets on the
refrigerator while soup heats up for 60 seconds in the microwave.
Six hours waiting in front of a microwave oven!
On the lines below, tell about the machines you have waited for in the past 12 months,
and estimate the number of hours in a year that you wasted. Then write a list of things you
could have done with the hours you frittered away while waiting.
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Name __________________________
Comeback Comments
Have you ever gone to buy an item of clothing, only to have the clerk look at you and
say, Are you sure this is your size? Have you ever just about made it to the front door of
your house dressed for an outing with friends when your mother or father says, Are you
wearing those pants again? Do you recall ever getting pinched on the cheek by a large, per-
fumed aunt or a bald uncle who bent over you and said, Don t you look just like your
mother?
Would you like to have replied with an annoying comment of your own but you
couldn t because you are too nice and polite? Well, here s your chance. Below are irritating
comments made by a variety of persons. On the lines below each comment, write a comeback
comment that puts the speaker in his or her place. You may never be able to say these things
in public in the real world, but have fun with them on paper now.
1. Camp counselor: Are we having fun in our crafts time with Ms. Mirkle?
2. Friend: What did you do to your hair?
3. Parent: Did you think I wouldn t find out?
4. Hair stylist: Does your mother (or father) know you re having this done?
5. Teacher: Do I have to call your parents?
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
26
Name __________________________
Flying High
Have you ever watched stunt pilots at work? They run a specially-built, short-winged
plane straight up into the sky, then drop like a stone, pull out of the fall and almost scrape
the earth with the belly of the plane as they swoop past the crowd and roar off into the
clouds.
What if other professions had certain people who considered themselves daredevils?
How would a stunt plumber conduct himself or herself, if given the chance to perform?
How about a stunt dentist? A stunt librarian?
Write a brief description of the behavior of at least three of the daredevils below. Be
creative. Be wild. Take risks with that dangerous pen of yours.
" a stunt plumber " a stunt bus driver
" a stunt mail carrier " a stunt photographer
" a stunt baker " a stunt florist
" a stunt librarian " a stunt band director
" a stunt dentist " a stunt farmer
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
27
Name __________________________
Car Salesman Boogie
Few things are more interesting to watch than a grown man selling cars on television.
He might be dressed in a clown suit, or he might be wearing a cowboy hat and riding a
horse. He might be dressed for tennis, waving a tennis racket and yelling, This is not a
racket, folks! This is Honest Billy Bob Wilson telling you to get down here today! Now is
the time to buy! We ll get you on the road in the car of your choice for no money at all! If
you can beat our deals we ll give you the car NO, we ll give you the entire dealership!
There s no better time to buy from Honest Billy Bob Wilson. I ll treat you right and serve
you hot dogs while you wait. There are balloons for the kids and Pepto-Bismol for
Grandma! Don t wait! The car or truck of your dreams is here with your name on it! That s
the truth, or I m not Honest Billy Bob saying make a deal TODAY!
What if other professions used the same techniques to do business? Choose one of the
characters listed below (or come up with one of your own), and write a wild and crazy car-
salesman-type advertisement that is sure to stir people out of their easy chairs to come
down and buy, buy, buy! (You may want to use a couple of sentences to describe the physi-
cal setting and the costume that your salesperson is wearing before you actually go into the
sales pitch.)
dentist " computer salesperson " minister/priest/rabbi " hair stylist "
chiropractor " teacher " police officer " fire fighter " business owner "
jeweler " bus driver " bank teller " arcade owner " lifeguard " mechanic "
attorney " fortuneteller " animal trainer " lawn care specialist "
baby sitter " sanitation worker " truck driver " umpire " cartoonist "
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
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Name __________________________
Unlucky You
You are the unluckiest person in the world. Two summers ago you won a case of dog
food on a call-in radio show, but you had a pet bird at the time. Last year you broke your
foot the day before soccer camp. Last month you borrowed the neighbor s riding lawn
mower and drove into the back of his new car. It has been a tough life.
Now you have been selected to appear on a game show called A Walk on the Wet Side.
You are sitting backstage getting powder daubed on your shiny forehead and feeling ner-
vous. Suddenly the door opens. It s Amber Wholesome, who directs guests on stage and
helps them off when their segment is over. We re ready for you now, she says. You take
one last look in the mirror at a very pale you, then follow Amber down the hallway into the
bright lights.
You make television history, becoming part of the worst A Walk on the Wet Side
episode ever filmed. What happened? (How is the game played? What was expected of
you? What went wrong?) Finish the story of the unluckiest day of your unlucky life.
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
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Name __________________________
Speak Up!
You are the world s finest orator. You have given speeches at important gatherings all
over the world. Last year you were in Chicago as the keynote speaker for the members of
the Video Arcade Token Designers Association. Six months ago you went to Tokyo to
deliver a speech to the National Convention of Japanese Comedians.
There are seven groups that want you for their keynote speaker on the first Saturday of
next month. All are willing to pay your standard $50,000 fee, but you can speak to only one
group, of course. Choose the group that will be lucky enough to have you, and write the
introduction to your speech in the space provided.
" National Convention of People Who Claim They Have Seen Elvis Appear as a Clerk in
Wal-Mart
" National Convention of People Who Have Eaten Microwaved Squid and Lived to Tell
About It
" International Convention of People with Feet that Are the Same Size as Cinderella s
" National Gathering of People Rejected as Game Show Participants
" International Convention of the Society of Anchovy Trainers
" National Convention of Parents Whose Children Will One Day Be President
" National Convention of People Who Claim to Have Driven Their Mini-Vans to Other
Planets
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
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Name __________________________
Reality, Please
There is often a great gap between what really happens in our lives, and what is sup-
posed to happen. People say, Enjoy your school days; they are the best days of your life!
But to many young people, school seems to plod on forever, and the days are filled with
work, rules and strange noon meals. The reality, to some people, is that school just isn t all
it s cracked up to be.
Life is like that. Reality is often different than what we might wish.
Below are listed some statements that we all hear in real life. Sometimes the statements
are true, but sometimes they are not. After each statement, describe what really happens
when reality is different than anticipated.
1. A statement about Thanksgiving Day: Don t worry. The leftovers will be gone by
Tuesday.
The reality:
2. A statement about the first day of preschool: Don t worry, honey. School will be fun.
The reality:
3. A statement about a blind date: Hey. Be cool. This guy (girl) is perfect!
The reality:
4. A statement from the dentist: Relax. You won t feel a thing.
The reality:
5. A statement from Mom to you: You re going to love having a baby sister (brother)!
The reality:
6. A statement from Dad to you: Try some of the casserole. It s delicious!
The reality:
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
31
Name __________________________
A Fairly Weird Fairy Tale
Do you remember the fairy tales of childhood Rumpelstiltskin, Little Red Riding Hood,
Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Jack and the Beanstalk, The Three Little Pigs, Sleeping Beauty,
Cinderella, Snow White and Hansel and Gretel? Have some fun making up a new fairy tale of
your own, based on at least FIVE of the characters from the tales listed above. Write all
five into the same story.
Ideas: How would Goldilocks feel if the Three Little Pigs came home instead of the
Three Bears? What if Hansel and Gretel climbed the beanstalk, then slipped and fell on
top of Little Red Riding Hood? What would Sleeping Beauty say if she were kissed by
Rumpelstiltskin and woke up at Cinderella s house, where the wicked stepsisters were get-
ting ready to kidnap the seven dwarfs and take them to Grandma s house? You can see that
all this could be a little confusing, and a lot of fun, if you let your imagination run wild for
a while. In the space below, write a fairy tale that makes the original tales look tame and boring.
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
32
Name __________________________
Tabloid Times
Did you know that a parrot in Pittsburgh gave birth to twin puppies that resemble
goldfish? Did you know that on moonless nights, aliens from Saturn meet at shopping
malls to buy rap albums and eat bagels?
If you think these stories are a little weird, you are right. But every day, newspapers
called tabloids print stories far more bizarre than either of these. No matter how unbeliev-
able the tales, people continue to buy tabloids in greater and greater numbers.
Pretend you are a reporter for a tabloid paper called The Sneak. You have been given the
assignment to cover the national scene from New York to Los Angeles for a period of one
week. Write either a sports story, a news item, a personal interview, a gossip column, an
advice column or a health tip but write it in unique, shocking tabloid style.
Be creative. Be wild. Try to come up with a bizarre, alarming title to hook your readers.
Most important, remember to make your article weird!
(You might actually type your article, combine it with others from your class and create
a complete tabloid. Who knows you might become real competition for the National
Enquirer!)
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
33
Name __________________________
Revenge of the Critic
You tried writing screenplays, but that didn t work out. You tried acting, but the direc-
tor said Cut! and he meant you. You tried producing an underwater situation comedy, but
no TV stations would show it.
Now you are in Hackensack, New Jersey, working as a television critic. You watch six to
ten television shows each week, writing reviews for several different magazines and
newspapers around the country. One night you are watching a show called Fetch, about a
dog who trains people to do stupid tricks. Suddenly, something snaps. You have had it.
You are furious that shows like this make it on television, while all of your wonderful
work was never even given a chance. The entire industry has ignored you, especially pro-
ducer Irvine LaFocus, who runs the biggest production company in Hollywood, and who
treated you like a ticket stub the first time you met him. You decide to write a review of
one of his shows, and this time you are going to say how you really feel about the show.
On the lines below, write the title of the show you are going to review. Then follow
with the most scathing, hilarious, ridiculous, scandalous review you have ever written. The
show you write about might be a soap opera, a comedy, a drama, a sitcom, a cartoon,
a game show or anything at all that you have wished could be wiped off the airwaves with
the flick of a fly swatter.
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
34
Name __________________________
Howling for Justice
You are a lawyer defending a cat in a capital murder case. Two poodles turned up as
dead as dog dishes on Halloween night, and your client, Elaine Calico, was caught at the
scene sitting on the rim of the dumpster that held the bodies.
You are in the courtroom of Judge Bellows, an Irish wolfhound who takes no nonsense
from upstart young beagles like yourself. The jury, unfortunately, is all dogs two dalma-
tions, a dachshund, two cocker spaniels, two labrador retrievers, three beagles, and two poo-
dles. The poodles are pink and freshly barbered, so they will be tough to convince; the vic-
tims were pink and freshly barbered, too.
Elaine has told you of her past, which is shady, but you believe in her innocence. On the
night of the murder, she was strolling down the alley at 64th and Vine when she smelled
the aroma of spoiled barbecued ribs. She followed her nose to the dumpster behind the Silly
Kittens Restaurant, where she often found late night snacks for her and her 18 kittens.
When she jumped to the rim of the dumpster she saw the two lifeless poodles. She was
about to run for a phone when two squad cars full of German shepherds pulled up and
arrested her for first pedigree murder.
Tell how you will defend Elaine Calico. Will you claim feline insanity and go for a less-
er sentence? Will you cross examine the greyhound couple who say they saw Elaine enter-
ing the alley just ahead of the poodles, at about 2 AM? Will you put Elaine on the stand?
How are you going to convince 12 angry dogs to let your client go free? Be wise. Be care-
ful. Don t throw away your career for a purrrty face.
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
35
Name __________________________
Absolutely Perfect
Rory Stevenson woke to the sounds and smells of a summer morning: birds chirping in
the apple tree outside the window, the hum of a street-paving machine with its licorice
smells of hot tar and gravel, the rumble of the Greyhound bus pulling away from Hanson s
General Store two blocks over. It was the start of another perfect day in Greentown too
perfect, really. Rory had been bothered by the town s perfection ever since the Stevenson
family had moved there a year and a half ago. Nothing ever seemed to go wrong. The right
amount of snow fell in winter. The perfect amount of sun warmed the crystal lakes in sum-
mer. Blueberries hung ripe and ready along the narrow country roads outside of town in
August. It was all starting to get to Rory, really get to him.
One day he found himself frowning at a shiny town statue of Roger Greenwood. Then
he looked at the town fountain, at the perfectly red geraniums in the city hall window boxes
and at the perfectly mowed lawns as far as he could see. He decided he had to act. He decid-
ed to set to work that very night. He would add some spice to Greentown. He would make
people sit up and take notice. He would make the town, for at least one day, less irritatingly
perfect than it had always been and without doing any damage.
Describe Rory s actions. How does the touch of a teenager make the town of Green-
town more interesting?
Short and Sweet " Copyright © 1997 Cottonwood Press, Inc. " 800-864-4297 " www.cottonwoodpress.com
36
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