Mel Gilden

 

WHATÅ‚S THE
MATTER WITH HERBIE?

 

 

NERT
WAS a small, three-legged creature with a pair of manipulative claws and Herbie
was a creature closely resembling a serving of very old raisin gelatin. They
sat together in a small rustic tavern that tried to look ancient and natural by
using new synthetic materials. The low-beamed ceiling was plastic and the
tables and chairs were made of formulon. The flickering of the torchlight was
electrical. The bartender, a glowing aquamarine ball that floated four feet
above the floor, asked, “WhatÅ‚ll it be, boys?"

 

A diaphragm centered on top of
Herbie said, “Your best. WeÅ‚re celebrating tonight."

 

“Oh?" The bartender floated down
a little nearer.

 

“This fellow," Herbie said,
pointing to Nert with a pseudopod, “saved my life. IsnÅ‚t that right, Nert?"

 

“Well" He blushed blue, and
Herbie went on. “HeÅ‚s modest I was trapped in one of those damned Ardonian
cul-de-sacs by a gramut-fowl. I tell you, I was whispering my last thoughts to
Frooth when I felt something grab me by the merkin"he touched a spot on his
back"and I was out of there so fast it singed the birdłs feathers."

 

The bartenderłs light pulsed, and
he said, “I am honored you chose my establishment to celebrate in. And I would
like to hear the story in greater detail, but my other customers grow
impatient." Nert saw a ton-and-a-half flomox in a booth in the back beginning
to steam. “Order and let him go, Herbie."

 

Herbiełs wildly gesticulating
pseudopodia wilted back into his body. “All right," he said. “Antarian glovo,
third level."

 

The bartender said, “A very good
choice, sir," and jetted toward the flomox, leaving a faint smell of helium in
the air.

 

Herbie burbled happily. “That
flomox will be after him for at least half an hour taking germ counts and
checking health permits."

 

“Why?"

 

“YouÅ‚d think anything that size,
with a hide you couldnłt bust through with a dynamic-M desynthesizer, would be
able to eat anything. But those fellows have stomachs so delicate, Terrans use
them to test their food But I donłt trust ęem. Too big. Too powerful."

 

“ItÅ‚s a good thing I decided to
sign on when I did instead of waiting till I finished my degree in gerbis
farming like everybody wanted me to," Nert said. “If I hadnÅ‚t met you I might
be spending my first evening in port at a co-op."

 

“Lucky for me, you mean. IÅ‚d have
been somebodyłs dinner."

 

They watched their waiter lead
the flomox into the back room, probably to check his legal papers, while
another floater came toward them dangling their order beneath him in a tangle
of grassy tentacles. It left the drinking equipment and a bottle full of cool blue liquid. Nert poured a
little of the liquid into their glasses. He picked up his long tubelike glass
of glovo and stuck his tongue in it, while Herbie dangled a delicate finger of
protoplasm into his own glass,
a shallow trough.
When theyÅ‚d finished the first round, Herbie said, “You know, the Terrans have a ritual when friends drink together. They call it a Ä™taste.Å‚“

 

“WhatÅ‚s that?" NertÅ‚s voice did
not sound right to him. He looked into his glass to see if he could find the
reason.

 

“A Ä™tasteÅ‚ is when the friends
all taste together what theyłre drinking, and say a few words over it."

 

“What kind of words?"

 

“Oh, something like Ä™hot jetsÅ‚ or
ęhappy landings.ł Something like that."

 

Nert started to refill the
glasses. He said, “Reminds me of the time
a human visited my
brindlełs farm when
I was just a klara.

 

Forever trying to grab everybodyłs
claws and pump them up and down whenever he met them."

 

“What happened?"

 

“Nothing. We just let him do it."

 

“Eccentric, thatÅ‚s what they are.
You wonder how they were smart enough to get off their own planet."

 

They looked at their drinks for a
moment. Then Herbie said, “What should we say over our drinks?"

 

“Ä™Happy landingsÅ‚ sounds nice."

 

“No. ItÅ‚s got to be something
original." He thought for a few minutes. Nert could tell he was giving it all
his concentration because his food vacuoles were moving quickly from place to
place like the flits on his brindleÅ‚s farm. “Something like, Ä™Soak it up.Å‚"

 

Nert wanted to get back to his
drinking, so he said, “Not bad." He lifted his glass to his tongue and said, “Soak
it up."

 

“Soak it up."

 

Herbie could drink and talk at
the same time, and he kept up a running commentary on the beings around him. He
talked about odd creatures and stranger habits, digressing often into lectures
on galactography and his opinions on everything. “Soak it up," he said. Nert
became more placid as he drank. After a while Herbiełs voice was a soft buzz
overlying the other noise in the bar

 

And suddenly Nert was wide awake.
The olfactory nerves on his shoulders bristled as he tried to find what had
disturbed him. It was an odor hełd smelled before, and it was coming from the
flomox whołd just returned from the back room. But a flomox shouldnłt smell
that way. And the floater who had been with him shouldnłt either. Nert had
almost decided it was the influence of the glovo when he suddenly identified
it. Mittlebranstuff, snort, Antrop white.

 

“Smell that?" Nert said.

 

“What?" Herbie had stopped
lecturing and was content to let a flaccid pseudopod lie in his trough soaking
up his glovo.

 

“Mittlebran. DonÅ‚t you smell it?"

 

Small bumps raised themselves all
over HerbieÅ‚s body. They soon subsided, and he said, “YouÅ‚re crazy. Stuffs
illegal."

 

“Since when did being illegal
stop people from doing something?" Nert pushed his glass away. Hełd tried
mittlebran once and he didnłt like it He couldnłt sleep. And now it turned out
it made him cold sober. “Herbie, can we leave?"

 

“Leave?" Herbie said, as if it
were a new word.

 

Nert gently lifted the pseudopod
out of the trough. “Come on. We have to find somewhere to spend the night
anyway. We can celebrate some more later."

 

“DonÅ‚t want to leave."

 

Nert tried to push Herbie out of
the depression in his chair, but the protoplasm just flowed around his claws
until he was engulfed up to his joints. “Come on, Herbie. Cooperate."

 

“Celebrate some more later."

 

Nert found that the best way to
deal with Herbie was to plunge both claws into him and carry him to the floor
draped over his arms like taffy. One of the blue globes approached them and
said, “Trouble, sir?"

 

“Just trying to get my friend
home." Nert didnłt like mittlebran, but he didnłt want to cause any trouble. If
people wanted to sprinkle the stuff, that was their business, but Nert didnłt
like to be around when they did it. Because of his racełs finely developed
sense of smell, he knew when someone across the room had done it hours ago, and
he was uncomfortable even then. When someone in such a small, stuffy place had
done it only moments before, it was almost intolerable.

 

“Would you like a shot of
denebriant?"

 

“That would be helpful, but I donÅ‚t
know what kind." Nert put Herbie carefully on the floor, where he tried to
divide himself in two against a table leg.

 

“Do you know where heÅ‚s from?"

 

“Let me think." Nert snapped his
claws like castanets. “I think he said he was from Tramitodeuh, Arkis IV."

 

“Very good, sir. IÅ‚ll be right
back."

 

While the waiter was gone, Nert
tried to ignore the smell of the mittlebran. It made his olfactory nerves raw,
as if they had been immersed in hydrochloric acid all day. As time went on he
began to notice a kaleidoscope of smells coming from the creatures around him.
He could close his bulging eyes and still get a picture of the room. The flomox
was stinking in the corner and the floaters came and went like wisps of
peppermint A musky ornt had just come in the door. The odors swirled around
making him almost as giddy as the glovo had.

 

The floater returned with a small
vial of dark amber fluid. He said, “According to my tables, this should work
for all beings from Arkis IV." He wrapped his tentacles around a small part of
Herbie and squeezed until hełd made
a small armlike projection. He
then plunged the appendage into the vial and waited until all the liquid had
been absorbed. “There. That should do it. In a few moments he should be as
sober as ever."

 

“Thanks very much. How much extra
do I owe you?"

 

“Nothing. Just for the drinks. We
find small special services pay off in the long run." He took Nertłs money,
about twice what hełd expected to pay for even third-level glovo, and floated
back to the bar, where the ornt was complaining about the shape of the glass in
which his drink had been served.

 

Herbie congealed little by
little, and in a few minutes he said, “WhatÅ‚s the problem?"

 

Nert said, “I canÅ‚t stand the
mittlebran. Wełve got to leave."

 

“What mittlebran?"

 

Nert was on the verge of
screaming. He was already an aquamarine very nearly the shade of the floaters.
Carefully, with great control, he said, “IÅ‚ll explain outside. Come on. Please!"

 

“Sure, Nert. Sure. LetÅ‚s go." He
began to move toward the door, the lower part of his body undulating in
peristaltic waves. Nert caught up and beat him to the door.

 

* * * *

 

The
hotel was one Nert would never have had the nerve to choose. It was called the
Hotel Galactica, and it was equipped to accommodate visiting dignitaries from a
thousand worlds who came to Spangle for a good time. It rose more than a hundred
stories, and was built around a central court where a realistic artificial park
lay under a sunny sky, no matter what the weather was like outside.

 

The porter dropped their bags in
the room and stood waiting at the door. “Yes?" Herbie said.

 

“I hope you enjoy your stay at
the Galactica," the machine said. Its voice was programmed to drip with a
sincerity that might have convinced the superrich who were used to flattery,
but which Nert found artificial.

 

“IÅ‚m sure we will," Herbie said. “Thank
you."

 

“Shall I dilate your windows for
you?" the machine said, not moving.

 

Nert whispered, “What does he
want?"

 

“A tip. Extra money." Herbie
started to move toward his pool. “Pay him, will you? ThereÅ‚s some money behind
the flap in my case." He sighed with relief as he settled into the pool of
muddy water that served as his bed.

 

“How much?" Nert asked as he
picked through the change.

 

“I figure two credits ought to do
it."

 

“Two credits!"

 

“Would you like me to adjust the
climate of your room for you? It can be changed to anything from a rain forest
to Q-type ice flow. Choice of atmospheres include methane, ammonia,
oxy-nitrogen“

 

Nert dropped the money in the
tray on top of the porter. It gurgled and stopped in midsentence. Then it
swiveled one hundred eighty degrees, and as it rolled from the room it said, “Thank
you. Thank you. Thank you . . ." until the door finally slid shut behind it.

 

“We could have had a live porter,
but it costs an extra two hundred credits a day," Herbie said. He did not sound
well. His voice had been growing weaker ever since theyłd left the bar. Nert
had asked him about it, but Herbie told him not to worry, that everything was
under control. Nert was unconvinced, but he respected Herbiełs privacy.

 

Nert said, “Speaking of money,
after three days here, well have to start drawing from our gerbis fund."

 

Herbie had begun to thaw and
soften as he had in the bar when he was drunk. He slowly spread to the
circumference of his pool.

 

“Herbie?"

 

“Hmm?"

 

“I said weÅ‚re not going to have
any money left."

 

“ThatÅ‚s good."

 

“Herbie. Herbie, listen to me.
Are you sure youłre supposed to have that big bulge on your side? You told me
not to worry, but I donłt know."

 

“EverythingÅ‚s fine. . . ." His
voice trailed off into an airy whisper that Nert couldnłt hear. Then suddenly
his voice was back again with nearly its usual strength. “DonÅ‚t worry about me.
IÅ‚ll be all right. IÅ‚ll be better if you just go out and have a good time."

 

“But I canÅ‚t leave you like this"

 

“You not only can, you must. ItÅ‚s
important that I be alone. IÅ‚ll have a surprise for you when you get back."

 

“But the bulge-"

 

“ThatÅ‚s part of the surprise. Now
please go."

 

Nert stood silently for a few
minutes, trying to make up his mind whether he should go, or if Herbie was just
being noble and really needed him. “Herbie?"

 

Herbie didnłt answer. Nert
prodded him gently once with a claw and his entire gelatinous bulk shivered. He
was relieved to see that Herbie had stopped melting, and after a while he went
out

 

The Galactica had both elevators
and drop-shafts, to give it an atmosphere of anachronistic charm. The leisurely
ride down in the elevator from the one hundred fifty-third floor gave Nert time
to think. He shared the cubicle with a transparent pressure-sealed tank that
held what looked like a sloppy knot of wildly writhing hemp rope, and an
overweight Terran female who looked as if she were going to faint. At floor one
hundred five, a large purple dracoid got on, crushing everyone else into
corners. It rode with them to the ground floor.

 

Nert left the elevator and walked
across the chrome-and-blue-fluff lobby and out into the synthetic parkland. If
he hadnłt read the brochure left on the nightstand he would have thought it was
real. Colors and smells from all across the galaxy surprised him with their
variety at every turn. Overhead, the stars were beginning to peek out near one
wall, and on the other, the sky was fading slowly from blue to deepest purple,
to black. He walked, crunching along the wandering gravel pathways, and thought
about what had just happened in the room upstairs.

 

Herbie had told Nert to have a
good time, but for Nert that would be difficult, if not impossible. The main
thing that bothered him was that hump, but he was also disturbed by Herbiełs
attitude about their gerbis fund. The first night after Nert had saved his
life, theyłd gotten to talking about what they wanted to do when they got too
old to space. Nert had told Herbie about how hełd studied gerbis farming on the
home world and how he planned to have a farm of his own some day. Herbie
thought that was a fine idea, and theyłd put their money together so they could
invest it later as equal partners. Maybe Herbie seemed unconcerned about the
money because the swelling on his side made him feel sick and distant. It had been
smaller back on the ship, but even then it had looked unhealthy to Nert. “DonÅ‚t
worry about it," Herbie had said, and had gone on to talk about something else.
It was possible that having a bulge like that was natural for a Tramitodean,
but maybe Herbie didnłt realize that it might be malignant. After all, diseases
were natural too. Was it possible that Herbie was dying?

 

Dying?

 

It wasnłt like Herbie to keep
quiet about a thing like that. He usually liked to air every problem he had.
Nert remembered the time he had thought his cytoplasm was curdling and had sent
to the captain to ask to be disposed of in free space when he died. The captain
was agreeable, and when he lived Nert thought Herbie was disappointed. No, he
wasnłt dying. It wasnłt likely, anyway. Maybe he was only changing sexes, as
Nertłs own race did, and hoped Nert would be surprised at his new form. Nert
liked that idea. And the more he thought about it, the more he liked it. And
the more he liked it, the more he wanted to take Herbiełs advice and go out to
have a good time. Nert decided he would be extraordinarily surprised for Herbie
when he got back.

 

He ran across the park and
through the lobby, using his back leg to push off from the ground and his two
front legs to pull himself forward, and out onto the street where he joined the
milling crowds. Yes, he thought he would be very surprised at Herbie when he
got back.

 

* * * *

 

There
was no room on the slideway so Nert decided to walk. Besides, he didnłt know
where he was going, and if he were moving too quickly, he might miss an
interesting place. Following the crowd, he set off toward Amusement Central.

 

Not that he couldnłt have gotten
almost anything within a few feet of where he stood. Grespel to drink, altrink
to creeble with, a mate, even mittlebran. The entire planet was given over to
recreation in all its forms, perverted and otherwise. The laws were necessarily
lenient, because what might be wicked for one race might be perfectly
acceptable to another, and physically impossible for a third. Even so, there
were places on that world, in that town in particular, which had reputations
for offering more spectacular pleasures than any other world. Nert clicked his
claws in anticipation.

 

The buildings were alternately
iridescent and lustrous black. One complemented the other, and strangely
enough, the dark buildings, reflecting the glitter and glow around them, were
sometimes more striking than their kaleidoscopic neighbors. The Galactica was
not the tallest building, and the smallest was barely larger than a shack.
Curious about what such a small place could offer, Nert was about to enter it
when a sudden gust of wind pulled at his body and he was stranded in the eye of
a small cyclone. As the wind blew harder, beings brushed past Nert unnoticed, and
a nictitating membrane covered his eyes so that the lights dimmed, and a primal
and uncontrollable fear grew like a weed strangling reason out of his mind. He
lay flat on the ground, shivering. As suddenly as it had begun, the wind
stopped.

 

Someone spoke very close to his
ear. “I got something for you, friend." The words burbled as if they were
spoken underwater.

 

Nert got to his feet, using his
claws like crutches, and slowly the nictitating membrane slid back up out of
the way. He turned his head and saw a small grey-green feathered creature with
a long, thin body wrapped around his arm, looking at him with black compound
eyes.

 

“What?" Nert was still recovering
from his fear. “Who are you?"

 

“IÅ‚m Arvin." He waited a moment
and when Nert didnÅ‚t respond, went on, “the Moretam?" He flapped his wing
membranes slowly, as if that would explain everything.

 

“Strange name for a hurricane.
What do you want?"

 

“DonÅ‚t you know?"

 

“How should I"

 

“What are you, a numby or
something?"

 

“A what?"

 

“A policeman." Arvin levitated
his head a little and looked around.

 

“No. What do you want?"

 

Arvin spoke directly into Nertłs
earhole. Someone two feet away couldnÅ‚t have heard them. “Kwishing," was all he
said

 

“Frooth save you."

 

“What?"

 

“You cleared your breathing tract
and I said, ęFrooth save
you.Å‚"

 

The Moretam flew around Nertłs
head a few times, his long body dangling limply below his wings, and settled on
NertÅ‚s other arm. “Frooth and breathing tracts have nothing to do with it.
Havenłt you ever heard of lavishing?"

 

“No." Nert shook his arm violently
and started to walk, hoping to give Arvin the idea that he wasnłt interested in
kwishing, no matter what it was. If the Moretam wanted to sell him something,
hełd made a bad start. Nert came from a planet where high winds blow the
razor-sharp flowers off the jelbum tree and whip them through the air at
tremendous and dangerous speeds. His race had adapted to that by getting as
close to the ground as possible and shielding their eyes during windstorms.
Usually Nert was able to control his reaction, but he could not when the wind
came as suddenly as it had.

 

Arvin said, “How can you say no
if you donłt know nothing about it?" Nert jumped onto the slideway behind a
windscreen. “I donÅ‚t want to know," he said. “It isnÅ‚t necessary that I know."
He ignored the Moretam and watched the city flinging itself backward around
him.

 

“YouÅ‚re here for a good time,
right?"

 

After a moment Nert admitted that
he was.

 

“Well then, youÅ‚re here for
kwishing."

 

They passed a large rorschach building
proclaiming in letters slithering across the facade that inside were prepared
the most unusual foods in the galaxy:
BOILED GREEB, OUR SPECIALTY.
Nert leaped off the slideway and went into the restaurant. He sat down at a
long counter and said to the waiter, “One boiled greeb, please." The waiter was
a mobile pair of antlers with eyes and small sets of tentacles arranged apparently
at random on the points. It said, “Yeth, thir," and clattered away on its
innumerable stiff limbs.

 

Nert took a thick booklet from
the pouch slung around his neck and turned to the index. “LetÅ‚s see," he said. “Kwishing
. . . kwishing . . ." Arvin said, “You wonÅ‚t find it," and began to scratch
under one of his wings with his teeth.

 

At last Nert said, “Here is it.
wishing, along with sprinkling mittlebran, is one of the few illegal activities
on Spangle. It consists of electronically turning a being inside out through
the fourth dimension. Frequently the initial change is free, while the operator
(usually, though not always, a Moretam) charges a high price to change the
victim back. Though seriously disorienting to most other beings, this treatment
is no more than mildly stimulating to the Moretam, and if necessary they can
even change themselves back without any mechanical help.Å‚“

 

Arvin had tried to leave when
Nert began to read, but Nert grabbed him just behind the head and held him
despite all Arvin could do. Nert snapped the book shut and slowly put it away. “What
am I going to do with you?" He shook the Moretam.

 

“You could let me go." It was
almost a question.

 

“If Herbie were here, heÅ‚d know
what to do."

 

“Herbie?"

 

A policeman, a round, stringy ball, more like a tumbleweed with an
official stick-pin as an axis than
a minion of the law,
rolled in. Nert and Arvin watched, one with indecision, the other with fear, as
he came to rest two seats away from them. Arvinłs wings rested lightly on his
body as if he were about to take flight

 

The policeman rustled. “Something
the matter?" It was impossible to tell which way he was facing. Maybe he faced
in all directions at once.

 

Arvin looked at Nert. Nert let go
of him and said, “No. Nothing. Is there?"

 

“No. No, no," Arvin said, eyes
wet with thanks.

 

“Good to hear it." A waiter,
ticking against the floor as he walked, approached the policeman. They got into
an animated discussion about something called creetoth. The policeman finally
ordered one, and the waiter went away.

 

Another waiter stopped in front
of Nert with a large pan balanced among his horns like a nest in a tree. It was
filled with a hot violet liquid surrounding white doughy lumps. Floating in it
was something that looked very much like
a small version of
Herbie. Small black spots were crawling all over it, and it smelled like
unprocessed waste material. Nert said, “WhatÅ‚s that?"

 

“Boiled greeb. Best in the
galaxy."

 

Putting down a few bills, Nert
said, “You eat it. My compliments." He left with Arvin still coiled around his
arm.

 

When they were outside, Arvin
said, “WhyÅ‚d you do that?"

 

“Do what?" Nert began to walk
slowly toward Amusement Central.

 

“You know. You could have turned
me in. The numbies are ready to believe almost anything about Moretams,
especially when it comes to kwishing." He flew around to Nertłs other arm.

 

Nert said, “You donÅ‚t understand.
I wasnłt angry about you trying to sell me on kwishing. Thatłs your business. I
was upset first about the hurricane you made when you found me, and second that
you wouldnłt tell me what kwishing is."

 

Arvin buried his head under a
wing. He said, “You never asked."

 

“I did “

 

“You didnÅ‚t, but all right I owe
you a favor."

 

“No, you donÅ‚t. Why should I care
how many silly beings you sell on kwishing? Besides, if IÅ‚d reported you, IÅ‚d
have to wait around until the trial. I might never get off this rock." Hełd
heard Herbie call planets “rocks" and the word had a professional and
rough-and-tumble sound that Nert liked.

 

“I still owe you a favor."

 

They traveled in silence for a
while. Nert thought about Herbie back in the hotel room, missing all this
excitement. He was probably all right, but Nert couldnłt be sure, and he was
still worried.

 

Maybe Arvin knew a good doctor.
In a city this size Nert might search for days before he found one he could
trust. If Arvin told him, that would take care of two things: It would cancel
the debt before Arvin forgot there was one, and it might save Herbiełs lifeif
it needed saving.

 

Nert told Arvin what he wanted.
Arvin said, “A doctor? Sure, I know a doctor. For you?"

 

“No. ItÅ‚s for my friend Herbie."
Nert explained his friendłs condition.

 

Arvin said, “It sounds serious.
Come on, well go there right now." He unwound himself from Nertłs arm and flew
down a side street so quickly that Nert couldnłt see him until he stopped and
hung in midair, his wings a blur.

 

“I canÅ‚t follow if you go that fast.
Why donłt you just give me directions and Iłll find the place myself?"

 

“Ever been on Spangle before?"

 

“No."

 

“Then I better stay with you.
Therełs all kinds of characters who would take advantage of a new Blue." Arvin settled
back around NertÅ‚s arm and said, “All right, straight ahead."

 

Arvin led him away from Amusement
Central and down increasingly dark and narrow streets. It was a good thing Nert
had not insisted he go alone, because he was already lost many times over. They
were in a part of town Nert never would have gone to alone, and he felt none
too safe even with Arvin around. The farther from Amusement Central they went,
the fewer brightly lit buildings there were, and soon it was not unusual to see
an entire block of dark buildings crouching beside the street like a line of
ragged beggars.

 

The smell of the city had
changed, too. Near the Galactica Hotel the air had been full of the scent of
beings from all across the galaxy, mixed together in a pleasant muddle. There
had been warm and cool pockets of odor where restaurants catered to as many
different tastes as there were beings. In the part of the city they were in
now, the air smelled mostly of age. Natural and synthetic building materials
decomposed in buildings put up when Spangle was still a struggling colony. Old
creatures waited for death. And there was the occasional smell of mittlebran.
The smells came and went with the night wind, playing tag with Nertłs olfactory
nerves. “It looks deserted," he said.

 

“Just an illusion. ThereÅ‚s a pair
of eyes, or something that does the same thing as a pair of eyes, looking at us
from almost every black hole."

 

Nert nervously clicked his claws.
He hoped they looked formidable enough to anybody watching to make them think
twice about attacking.

 

“This doesnÅ‚t look like the kind
of place IÅ‚d look for a doctor," he said. “Not one IÅ‚d trust, anyway."

 

Arvin said, “You can trust Dr.
Billingsley. Hełs a personal friend of mine."

 

Nert considered asking Arvin if
Dr. Billingsley helped him with kwishing, but decided he didnłt want to start
an argument there, in unfamiliar territory. They traveled in silence, watching
for sudden movements in the shadows. Nert tried to trace by scent anyone
lurking close by, but the overwhelming stench of age and ancient fear was too
strong.

 

Arvin said, “Stop here." He let
go of Nertłs arm and hovered, bobbing gently in the air.

 

They were in front of a narrow,
dark passageway with steps that led down into a pool of obscurity. On either
side of the opening were posters and handbills advertising the virtues of
products that had long since gone out of use. They were marked up with sketches
and indecipherable phrases whose meanings Nert guessed were in violation of
some local taboo, but meant nothing to him. The smell of mittlebran, though
faint, was all around and was mixed with the constant smell of decaying
buildings, bodies, and minds.

 

“Here? What kind of a doctor is he, anyway?"

 

“I vouch for him personally. Just
down the steps and a sharp turn to the right. Dr. Billingsley is the name.
Therełll be a blue-and-white light over the door."

 

Nert peered down into the
darkness, his eyes bulging more than usual. He said, “Are you sure about this?"
He heard the small, skittering sounds of the local vermin. “Arvin?" When no one
answered, Nert turned around to find the street empty.

 

Didnłt even say good-bye, Nert
thought. The shadows seemed, if anything, more menacing than before. But Nert
had no idea where Amusement Central was, and hunting for it would be fruitless.
Besides, Herbie
did need a
doctor. It was just possible that Dr. Billingsley was a good one. Nert looked
around and wished again that Arvin hadnłt left him alone.

 

Cautiously he walked down the
stone steps, one tripod leg at a time. The darkness closed around him like a
blanket and stifled him with unmoving air. He looked back and saw the street a
few feet above him glistening with dew. It looked almost friendly, compared
with the unknown well below.

 

In the few moments it took to
reach the bottom of the stairs, Nertłs eyes adjusted to the darkness. The walls
were made of synthetic bricks mortared with what looked like the local mud,
though in the dim light it was hard to be sure. A walkway, separated from the
open lot beyond by a low concrete wall, crossed the passage at the bottom. Nert
looked to the left and saw a series of identical doorways which faced the alley
growing smaller monotonously into the distance. On the right, a rusty metal
stairway which looked as if it had once been a fire escape led precariously up
to a second-floor door with two lights over itone blue, the other white.

 

His footsteps echoed between the
walls as he walked through the alley and clanged up the metal stairs. He
wondered if rooms here were at a premium because of the impossibility of sneak
attack. From the landing in front of the door, Nert could look out over the
dormant city to the brilliant splash of Amusement Central. He convinced himself
that he could pick out the Galactica Hotel, and it made him feel less alone.

 

Nert turned his back to the city
and knocked on the door. It had an elegant mahogany sign screwed to it on which
was cut the name, “Arthur Billingsley, MD." The paint on the door was chipped
and weatherworn, and Nert could just barely see the remains of a colorful and
optimistically implausible drawing of a naked Terran female.

 

In a few moments a small panel
slid open and a pair of eyes stared blearily out at him. The owner of the eyes
said, “What do you want?"

 

“IÅ‚m looking for Dr. Billingsley.
I was told"

 

“Who sent you?"

 

“Arvin the Moretam."

 

“Come back in the morning." The
panel slid shut with a loud bang that echoed back from the walls and made it
sound as if a hundred people had turned Nert down instead of one.

 

He pounded on the door, and when
the slide opened he threw in a ten-credit note. The pair of eyes disappeared
for a moment and left the peephole a dark square. He heard the being on the
other side of the door scratching around and mumbling strings of mild
profanity. Nert shouted up at the hole, “ItÅ‚s an emergency," and a thousand
Nerts called out their predicament

 

The being said through the
peephole, “Damn all emergencies." He slammed the panel shut, and Nert was about
to knock again when he heard the sound of bolts being drawn back, locks being
jiggled, and the slow whine of a dying privacy shield. The door opened and Nert
crossed the threshold into a large, dark room. The spindly legs of unseen
tables and chairs made long shadows in the light that came through the doorway
from the room beyond. Nert followed the Terran as he shuffled along the
illuminated path between the ranks of furniture into the brightly-lit examining
room.

 

A desk and a long wooden table
stood close together in the center. A powerful wave of mittlebran washed over
his olfactory nerves, leaving him more awake than he wanted to be and a little
lightheaded. There was a glass-fronted cupboard against one wall which the
doctor was locking with a thin metal key. A few lighting panels were out,
making parts of the ceiling look like a checkerboard.

 

The man walked wearily to the
desk, sniffling, and sat down. He leaned back in his chair and put his feet up
on the desk. For a while he just stared at Nert wide-eyed. “So youÅ‚re a friend
of Arvinłs," he said at last.

 

It sounded more like a statement
than a question, but Nert said, “Actually, I just met him this evening. He said
you might be able to help my friend."

 

“Good old Arvin," the man said.

 

“Can you help?" Nert began to
pace around the room nervously. The mittlebran was taking effect and he hoped
the doctor wouldnłt take long to decide whether or not he wanted the case.

 

“DonÅ‚t rush me, boy. IÅ‚m a
doctor. Never rush a doctor." He smiled pleasantly and said, “Tell me about
this Ä™friend.Å‚“

 

Nert suspected from the way Dr.
Billingsley spoke that he didnłt believe it was a friend who had the problem.
It was fortunate Nert had been exposed to Terrans early, on his brindlełs farm,
or he would have been angry that he wasnłt trusted. But he knew that with
Terrans it wasnłt a matter of trust but of understanding. No matter how much
contact a Terran had with other races, he could never quite believe their
thought-processes and logic patterns were any different from his own. It was a
bad assumption, but Nert accepted it, and told him about Herbie.

 

Dr. Billingsley said, “A most
interesting case. Reminds me of one similar to it that I treated out in the
Sack. Most interesting. Very." He gnawed gently on his knuckle while he thought

 

Nert was beginning to turn blue.
His oversensitive nerves could smell things other than mittlebran now. If hełd
known their names he could have told Dr. Billingsley every drug in the medicine
cabinet Dr. Billingsley himself gave off a strong armpit odor that smelled to
Nert much too much like boiled greeb. He pirouetted three-legged around the room
working off his excess energy, and Dr. Billingsley said, ęęWill you stop that,
please?"

 

“Sorry." Nert stood in one place
clicking his claws. “What do you think?"

 

“It could be serious. I think IÅ‚d
better go take a look."

 

Nert spun leg-by-leg toward the
door saying, “Good. LetÅ‚s go."

 

“ThatÅ‚ll be twenty-five credits.
For the house call. In advance."

 

Nert fumbled through his pouch
with overeager claws and handed Dr. Billingsley a twenty-five-credit note,
which he took and locked in a desk drawer. “Are you all right?" he asked.

 

“IÅ‚m fine." Nert ran for the door
again. “LetÅ‚s go."

 

* * * *

 

Dr.
Billingsley led Nert through the dark labyrinth of the city with the same easy
grace Arvin had displayed. They rounded a corner, and to Nertłs surprise, the
Galactica Hotel stood not more than half a block away. “HowÅ‚d we get here so
fast?" Nert said.

 

“I know a shortcut."

 

“I thought Arvin knew the city as
well as anyone."

 

Dr. Billingsley said, “He knows
it well enough, but the instincts of a con man arenłt sufficient for a complete
knowledge of anything. You have to have intelligence, too."

 

They walked through the early
morning crowd. There were not as many beings as there had been when Nert had
first gone out. Nert and the doctor entered the Hotel Galactica and crossed the
blue-fluff-and-chrome lobby. Creatures dressed in the height of fashiondraped
moss for the lizards of Ancheschloss II, dangling plastic baubles for the low,
stocky creatures from Slix, hundreds of variations of fabric, light, shimmer,
smoke and skinhaughtily watched the Droshi and the Terran, neither of whom
were dressed in the height of any fashion whatsoever, cross the lobby to the
lift-shaft and fall upward.

 

Nert tried not to scream at the
roar of the passing air as they ascended, and his body remembered sharp objects
thrown at it by the wind on his home world.

 

The gravity flux dribbled off and
held constant at the one hundred fifty-third floor. They got out of the shaft,
and the plush-padded hallway seemed very quiet Nert said, “You mean Arvin does
everything by instinct?"

 

The doctor nodded. “You should
see Arvinłs home world. There are creatures there with just enough intelligence
to be fooled by a smooth talker, and vine highways whose destinations it takes
instinct to remember because their weavings and criss-crossings are too complex
for a rational mind to follow."

 

“You mean Arvin is crazy?"

 

“Just a little. Compared to the
rest of his race hełs probably as reasonable as a Granoshian."

 

Nert thought about Arvin leading
him through the dark, bewildering city and was amazed that hełd come out with
his carapace intact. He wondered if hełd do it again.

 

They came to the room where Nert
had left Herbie. Nert said, “Right in here." He put his claw into a small
recess near the door and allowed the lock to scan it The light flashed green
and he pushed the “Open" button.

 

Dr. Billingsley followed Nert
into the room and nearly ran into him. They stood transfixed. It took Nert a moment to comprehend what was happening; then
suddenly it was clear. A strange creature that looked a lot like Herbie, but
had a much lighter color and a shiny skin stretched tightly over its cytoplasm,
was in the pool engulfing the last of Herbie with a bloated pseudopod. Even as
they watched, the swelling thing finished sucking Herbie in, and when its
pseudopod had relaxed back into its body it sat motionless in the center of the
pool like a great implacable scoop of dirty glass.

 

Nert ran toward it screaming, but
reeled back when he was a few feet away, suddenly feeling nauseous; a fire
ignited in all his muscles. He staggered back to where Dr. Billingsley stood,
and the pain went away.

 

“What is it?" Dr. Billingsley
whispered hoarsely.

 

“It got Herbie," Nert whimpered. “I
knew if I went away something horrible would happen. It got Herbie!" The last
word was a whoop such as members of Nertłs race make when a situation is almost
hopeless and the only choice left is to throw themselves in a rage at their
enemy. Nert ran toward the pool, claws raised and snapping frantically. When he
began to feel the nausea and the fire, he leaped forward, hoping to do some
damage before he was forced to retreat. He splashed into the pool claws first,
and immediately curled up in agony as cramps gripped and twisted his insides.

 

“Help!"

 

“I" Dr. Billingsley didnÅ‚t move.

 

“Help me, dammit!"

 

The doctor ran forward and
dragged Nert back to the door, clutching his own stomach. They lay on the floor
panting; Dr. Billingsley took great mouthfuls of air, while the breathing slits
on Nertłs chest flapped madly.

 

“What was that?" Dr. Billingsley
asked.

 

“Frooth knows. YouÅ‚re the doctor."
Nert crawled forward until he just began to feel the ill effects of Herbiełs
murderer and stared at it as he rocked up and back.

 

“I canÅ‚t examine it if I canÅ‚t
get close to it."

 

“ItÅ‚s too late for that," Nert
cried. “DonÅ‚t you understand? HerbieÅ‚s dead. HeÅ‚s . . ." NertÅ‚s eyes flattened
until they looked like two saucers embedded in his head. More quietly, he
added, “Thank you for coming. You can keep the money. IÅ‚m sorry. IÅ‚m sorry." He
never took his eyes off the thing in the pool.

 

Dr. Billingsley was at the door
when Nert said, “Please donÅ‚t report this to the police."

 

The doctor turned. “Why not?"

 

“Herbie...“ Nert swallowed. “Herbie
told me that sometimes a policeman whołs used to rich beings will give a spacer
a bad time just for the fun of it. But even if therełs no trouble theyłll want
me to stay until theyłre done with the investigation. I want to get away from
here as soon as possible. Besides, I want to take care of this in my own way."

 

Dr. Billingsley said, “Murder is
permissible for some creatures, but even then it must be reported." He sat down
on one of the all-purpose benches and crossed his legs casually. “Not reporting
a murder can mean a lot of trouble, especially for a doctor."

 

“It canÅ‚t keep up that barrage
forever. When it stops IÅ‚ll be sitting
here ready for it. If you tell the police, theyłll get in the way."

 

“There is a way to keep them from
finding out."

 

Nert turned to look at the
doctor. “WhatÅ‚s that?"

 

“For a small extra fee, I might
be persuaded to keep this to myself."

 

Nert turned back to the creature
in the pool and said, “And if there is an investigation, the numbies might
possibly find out a thing or two about you."

 

The Terran stiffened. “Oh? WhatÅ‚s
that?"

 

“You stink of mittlebran."

 

“Oh, that." He smiled. “How did
you find out?" He paused and said, “No matter. YouÅ‚ll have to do better than
that. There are any of a dozen ways I could fight a possession charge."

 

Nert took a long time answering. “How
much?"

 

“One thousand credits, even."

 

Nert thought it over. A thousand
credits was almost all the money he had set aside for his gerbis farm. Even so,
it was worth any amount to be able to pay the creature back for Herbiełs death.
He wondered, though, if Dr. Billingsleyłs unconcern about the police was real.
Though hełd learned a great deal about the city that evening, he knew nothing
about the corruptibility of its police. But he did know from his childhood that
it was almost impossible for anyone, sometimes even another Terran, to tell
when a Terran was lying. Nert didnłt want to take a chance of guessing wrong.

 

He counted out the thousand
credits and put away the woefully small pile of bills that were still his. He
hoped the monster would crack soon. The hotel room was only rented for three
more days, and after that he would have to find a berth on a ship. Nert didnłt
like to leave Herbiełs murderer behind, but there would be nothing else he
could do. It looked like Herbie would never get the burial in space hełd always
wanted.

 

“HereÅ‚s your money," Nert said.
Dr. Billingsley took the bills and counted them. “Fine," he said. “The numbies
will never know."

 

Nert sat down a few feet away
from the pool and watched the unmoving creature. The doctor said, “Well, I must
be going now. I have other patients who need me."

 

Nert was silent.

 

The doctor said, “Well, good
luck."

 

Nert heard the door slide open
and shut a moment later.

 

It was very quiet, and Nert had
been up for many hours more than he was used to. The monster blurred and Nert
had to fight to focus his eyes again. He found himself looking at the being
with clinical detachment. As he alternately dozed and started awake, the
monster became more than an evil thingit became evil itself.

 

Despite all he could do, Nert
rested on his tripod legs and fell asleep. He dreamed about drinking
third-level glovo, but he didnłt enjoy it because it tasted like mittlebran. He
wanted to ask Herbie about it, but he couldnłt because he was alone in the
middle of a dark street that stretched both ways to infinity. A
hurricane that went “kwish . . . kwish . . ." blew up the street and Nert had
to climb a metal stairway to get away from it. But the rungs were rusty and he
fell forever until he landed,
kwish! on a mushy
animal with a tight transparent skin that made him sick when he touched it and
it smelled like boiled greeb. Dr. Billingsley threw money at him and asked, “Does
it feel better now? Does it feel better now? Does it feel better now . . ."

 

Nert took a swipe at the doctor,
but his claw went right through his face. Nert fell back onto the monster and
woke up.

 

His three legs were sprawled
around him like spokes of
a wheel. The monster
hadnłt moved. Nert gathered himself up and walked toward it. Either the nightłs
sleep had done him some good, or the field had weakened, because he could
advance to within touching distance of the pool without feeling more than mild
discomfort.

 

The thing in the pool groaned,
and Nert backed off a few paces.

 

“Nert." The voice was too low,
but it was unmistakably Herbiełs.

 

“Herbie, is that you?"

 

When the thing spoke, there were
frequent long pauses as if it was a special effort for it to say each word. “Who
else would it be?"

 

Nert found he had no trouble
getting as close to the thing as he wanted to. He said, “I thought you were
dead."

 

“Obviously a mistake. WhatÅ‚s
going on?"

 

Nert explained what had happened
to him since heÅ‚d left their room, and when he was done, Herbie said, “You mean
you actually gave that sheet-mender one thousand credits?"

 

“Even," Nert said sadly.

 

Herbiełs voice had been growing
stronger as he interrupted Nertłs story with questions and explanations. It was
nearly normal now, and though the being in the pool didnłt exactly look like
the friend hełd left behind, Nert was sure it was Herbie.

 

“You had no way of knowing, of
course," Herbie said, “but the police on Spangle are chosen as much for their
incorruptible natures as they are for their blank stares. If Dr. Billingsley
has any connections in high places, you can bet itłs not in the police
department. Criminals have been looking for a way around the numbies, without
success, for at least a thousand years. If hełs found the way, he ought to
bottle it."

 

They sat quietly for some time,
while Nert felt sorry for himself. At last he said, “One thousand credits, out
the tube."

 

“Maybe not"

 

“What?"

 

“Just thinking out loud."

 

“Oh." The only sound was the
quiet pop, pop of bubbles as they escaped from
HerbieÅ‚s underside and broke on the surface. Suddenly Nert said, “Great Frooth!
I got so busy telling you what happened to me that I didnłt ask what happened
to you. You tell me whatłs going on."

 

“I was wondering when youÅ‚d get
around to that. You remember that growth on my side you were so worried about?"

 

“Of course."

 

“Well, IÅ‚m it."

 

Nert got off the bed and shook
each leg in turn. That sometimes helped relax him. He said, “I donÅ‚t think I
understand."

 

“That growth, that bulge was a
child. We Tramitodeans grow buds, from one to about six of them, depending on
how favorable circumstances are, and when theyłre mature enough they break off
and eat the parent."

 

“Then youÅ‚re really not Herbie."

 

“Sure I am. Or IÅ‚m as good as
Herbie, anyway. The children have all the memories of the parentall the
parents back to the primeval soup. Of course the recollections get a little dim
after the fourth generation or so, thank Frooth. Things are complicated enough
as it is."

 

“So everything me and Dr.
Billingsley saw was normal?"

 

“Right"

 

Then all the pain we felt must
have been protection for the new beinguh, for you."

 

“Right. IÅ‚m a little telepathic
too, more so now Iłm in this new body. But donłt worry about the pain field.
When IÅ‚m awake I can control itmy mazoola, that ispretty well."

 

Nert sat back down on the bed. He
said, “Why didnÅ‚t you tell me all this before it cost me one thousand credits
and a nightłs sleep?"

 

“I wanted to surprise you."

 

“You certainly did that."

 

“I didnÅ‚t really expect you back
so soon. I thought IÅ‚d be all done. I know about you Droshi and your wild
sexual practices. Four sexes, great Frooth!"

 

Nert turned a pale shade of blue.

 

“Besides," Herbie went on, “I
certainly didnłt expect you to bring a doctor. If you thought I needed one, why
didnłt you get the one the hotel keeps on call?"

 

Nert clicked a claw. He said, “I
didnłt even think of that. Does this place have a doctor?"

 

“This place caters to rich
people. And when rich people want something, they want it yesterday. This hotel
probably provides services we never heard of."

 

Nert understood their predicament
wasnłt entirely his fault, and from the way Herbie spoke, he knew Herbie
understood it too, and that was enough. Bickering would have been pointless.

 

“What do we do now?" Nert asked.

 

A small tremor shook Herbie and
little concentric wavelets broke against the edge of the pool. He said, “There
are two things we have to do."

 

“Yes?"

 

“First, we have to find a ship
thatłs leaving very soon and get two berths on it. And second, we have to get
our money back."

 

“That second thing seems pretty
impossible, and even the first is questionable. How soon will you be able to
move and hold down a billet on a ship?"

 

“I could move now if I had to,
but another day or so in the pool would be safer. And donłt give up on our
money. Herbiełs changed, but hełs just as clever as he used to be"

 

“We wonÅ‚t talk about how clever
that was"

 

“Clever, I say! And IÅ‚m beginning
to feel an idea tickling the back of my mind. Give me a while to work it out."

 

Nert dumped his wastes and went
downstairs to the restaurant to get something to eat. He smothered the memory
of boiled greeb with familiar food from the home world, frigul with grammuce
and proshmingles. He overpaid for everything.

 

When Nert got back to the
apartment, Herbie said, “I have an idea," and explained it to him. Nert agreed
that it was an interesting plan, but wondered if it was necessary.

 

“What do you mean?"

 

“I mean," Nert said, “we already
know Dr. Billingsley uses mittlebran. Why go to all that trouble trying to
prove it?"

 

“Well, we donÅ‚t really know it
was Billingsley. One of his patients could be using it. You know how fast
clothing soaks up the smell, how difficult it is to get rid of. Besides, I
think wełll have more of a psychological advantage if we catch him with his pod
in the punch."

 

Herbie sent Nert out to the
spaceport to get them each a berth on a ship leaving on one of the next few
nights. Herbie had specified nights because they would have to leave as soon as
possible after their meeting with Dr. Billingsley, and the plan had to be used in
the early evening.

 

Nert rode the slideways to the
edge of town, skirting the forbidding area hełd traveled through the night
before. The daylight washed away the dark demon magic from the streets and
buildings, and left old wooden walls weather-blasted and peeling; tired beings
lounging on front steps and in gutters as if theyłd been there as long as the
buildings. It was no longer terrifying, it was depressing.

 

Nert ignored the invitations,
inducements, and promises of sky-boards and beings who all had good times
awaiting him at a modest fee. But the dancing melee of color and sound was pale
compared to the way Nert remembered it was at night, when the advertising no
longer had to compete with the sun. He got to the spaceport and followed the
signs to where spacemen could sign up on outward-bound ships.

 

Signing up for a post on an
outward-bound ship always disturbed Nert. On the home world when he was just a
klarn, Nert had once read
Moby Dick, a
Terran classic. Though it had been translated from late middle English into
Droshi, hełd found the reading so difficult that hełd never finished it.
Somewhere during the first few chapters the hero and his alien companion signed
up on a ship whose captain, they were warned, had an obsession about a large
local aquatic creature. Nert had been told that later the ship was lost with
all hands except for the hero. Signing up for a post on an outward-bound ship
always reminded him of Moby
Dick and what
had happened to its crew. He knew it was not rational, but his subconscious was
unconvinced until it was aboard his ship and could see there was no resemblance
between it and the ship in the book.

 

He signed Herbie and himself onto
a freighter carrying towels and blankets, each stamped in red with the words HAVE
A SPREE ON SPANGLE! The mate who signed them up claimed he had room in
the crew for only one more. Nert convinced him otherwise with a few credits
from his dwindling capital reserve.

 

* * * *

 

It
was early evening. The sun was low on the horizon, silhouetting the peaks and spires
of the city against the sky. Theyłd left the slideways and were deep in
Oldtown. They were following the route Herbie had pulled telepathically out of
Nertłs mind. Nert looked like an ambulatory baby blue cone. It was a disguise.

 

They both knew that if Dr.
Billingsley saw Nert he would be suspicious. Herbie had hung a camera around
Nertłs neck, wrapped him in one of the blankets from the hotel and pinned it
closed with a fastener he found in the complimentary toilet kit in the
bathroom. Herbie told him he looked like a being from Fomalhaut VII. Nert said
he felt as if he were walking inside a tent.

 

Herbie walked down the steps to
the alley where they found the long row of closed doors and the rusting metal
stairway. Nert saw with one eye through a slit Herbie had cut in the blanket.
The blanket gave Nertłs view of the world a fuzzy frame. Yellow light from the
setting sun threw the rough unevenness of the walls into high relief, made them
seem too sharp and well defined to be real. The metal stair looked as if it had
been forged from gold. Even from the foot of the stairway they could see the
overdeveloped Terran female on the doctorłs door looking proudly out over the
city. The blue-and-white lights above her head were pale and ghostly in the
onslaught of sunlight.

 

* * * *

 

“This
is the place," Nert said. “Right up there."

 

“Right up there, hmm?" Herbie
moved forward and inspected an old wooden door in the brick wall.

 

Nert was nervous. It was
difficult for him to stand still. But when he moved, the bony knobs on the ends
of his legs clicked against the sidewalk and were answered by an echo with a
million feet

 

Herbie said, “This is it."

 

Nert clattered forward, stepping
as lightly as he could. The blue blanket billowed around him, and he could
smell his own body over the odor of the synthetic fiber. The camera swung
against him on its cordbump, bump.

 

The door had been boarded up many
years before and was now a rooming house for small insects. It was festooned
with their filmy nests and webs. A sign painted on the door said KEEP OUT. NO TRESPASSING. The lettering
was more faded than the painted woman upstairs.

 

Nert said, “Can we get in?"

 

“I think we can push a hole
through it." Herbie took a dull metallic cone from his bag and aimed its point
at the door. It was smooth except at the point, where there were shallow
concentric grooves. Herbie reached inside the machine and made a cradle out of
his body to support it

 

“What about the sign?"

 

“From the looks of it," Herbie
said, “IÅ‚d guess the beings who made that sign are long past caring what
happens to this building."

 

A low whistle soared up and out
of hearing range, and the door rattled for a moment Suddenly an even round hole
appeared in it.

 

Herbie put the drill away and
they looked inside. The late afternoon sunshine made the large rectangular
shapes within cast long shadows, striping the room. Noodles of pipe stretched
across the ceiling and down the walls. Dust covered everything.

 

“Laundry room," said Herbie.

 

Nert agreed, and they moved back
from the opening. “DonÅ‚t forget," Herbie said, “when youÅ‚re all alone with him,
stamp on the floor three times. Thatłll be our signal."

 

“Right. You sure you can control
that pain field of yours?"

 

“Positive. DonÅ‚t worry. Good
luck." Herbie let his body relax and flowed through the small hole into the
room beyond.

 

Nert said, “Good luck," and
started up the stairs, clicking his claws nervously.

 

At the top, he looked down at the
long alley, just as empty now as when hełd first seen it, and at the city
beyond, sparkling like a lake in the setting sun. He wondered why hełd never
seen any of the beings who lived behind the many doors along the corridor.
Maybe they were shy. Or maybe there werenłt any. Nert thought it was all very
beautiful, and he would have stood there longer if there hadnłt been work to
do. His mission made him not brave but determined, and his claws were quiet.
When Nert felt he could put it off no longer, he pushed the latch release on
the door and went inside.

 

Nertłs eyes grew big in the
darkness. There were no windows and the only light came from three dust-laden
imitation hurricane lamps with cracked and chipped glass.

 

The waiting room was large and
square. Dusty red velvet drapes with faded yellow fringes hung on the walls,
and the room was filled with archaic wooden furniture that looked as if it had
been built only with humans in mind.

 

Three creatures were in the
waiting room, and the human furniture did not accommodate them well. One of
them was a purple dracoid like the one hełd ridden with in the elevator two
nights before. It lay on the floor like a small mountain, sleeping. The armored
tail curled around its body, and the scaly tip languorously fanned its snout. A
slimy creature with too many legs squirmed as it tried to get comfortable in a
chair that cramped it no matter which way it turned. Occasionally a stalk
carrying an eye at the top rose out of the writhing mass. The eye blinked and
then dropped back among the appendages.

 

The third creature was a blue
cone that Nert hoped was not a native of Fomalhaut VII. Nert walked to a shadow
in the corner, getting as far away from the being as he could.

 

For a long time the only sound
was that of the uncomfortable creature rearranging its legs. Every time it
moved, it made a squealing noise, like rubber rubbing against rubber. The
squealing was punctuated by its soft grunts. Antiseptic doctorłs office smell
covered everything.

 

Nert saw the room through a slit
cut in the blanket. The darkness, the overclean smell, and the constant unsettled
sound made Nert feel trapped. He wanted to go down the stairs and tell Herbie
that he didnłt want the thousand credits back. It was not a strong urge, but it
was a pleasant one. Thinking about it occupied Nertłs mind while he was
waiting.

 

The uncomfortable creature tried
to start a conversation with him but Nert didnłt know how Fomalhautians
sounded. When he didnłt answer, the creature, who had introduced itself as
Cavendish, was discouraged and left Nert alone.

 

A few moments later the door at
the back of the room opened and a being shaped like a large barrel rolled out,
followed by Dr. Billingsley. The doctor stood in the doorway and said as it
crossed the room, “Watch your ethylene intake for a while and youÅ‚ll be all
right in no time." An arm extended from either end of the barrel and pulled the
door open. A moment later Nert heard the being bouncing down the stairs.

 

“Next!"

 

“ThatÅ‚s me, Doc," Cavendish said
as it dropped rung by rung off the chair. It slithered across the floor,
complaining of fading color and puffy growths at the roots of its tentacles.
The doctor nodded, and Cavendish was still explaining when the door to the
examination room closed behind him.

 

A white sheet that had been
sitting on the back of a couch flapped into the air, landed, and draped itself
over the back of the chair Cavendish had just left. It twittered for a moment
and then was silent. Nert had thought it was part of the decor. He studied it
closely now and saw that things he had taken for small holes in the fabric were
really eyes.

 

While he waited his turn, Nert
watched the Fomalhautian. It was a light-blue cone with a small eyehole near
the top, the pointed end. It hadnłt moved since Nert came in. Nert remembered
what hełd looked like in the mirror with his disguise on, and decided he could
pass for one of them for as long as he had to. Hoping to hear its voice, Nert
said, “How are things on the home world?"

 

There was a long silence. Nert
thought the being was ignoring him or hadnÅ‚t heard, but it finally said, “The
gorbash is blooming. All the locals have translated. Summer is a-cominł in,
birdie sing coo-coo." Its voice was little more than a modulated grunt Nert
would be able to imitate it without much trouble. He said, “Glad to hear it,"
and was relieved when the creature didnłt try to continue the conversation.

 

After a while the multilegged
creature came out of the doctorłs office. It walked stiffly, wrapped in white
tape. At the front door it said a muffled, “Thanks, Doc," and left

 

“Next!"

 

The Fomalhautian extended a
jointed tentacle from beneath its base and pointed at the dracoid. “I believe
he was next"

 

Dr. Billingsley walked to the
sleeping creature and kicked it in the side, making its scales jingle. In a
moment the dracoid yawned, stretched, and looked around with its eyes
half-closed. When it stretched, it knocked over an overstuffed chair and nearly
demolished a lamp; Nert jumped out of the way before its tail could poke out
one of his eyes.

 

The dracoid squeezed through the
door into the inner office, and its scales cut deeply into the wooden
doorframe.

 

When it came out, the sheet
creature and the Fomalhautian argued about who should go in next. The
Fomalhautian said it would be with the doctor a long time, so the other creature
should go first. Nert didnłt care who went first, as long as they hurried. The
freighter left in a few hours and he wanted to be on it. Besides, it couldnłt
be very pleasant for Herbie down in that dark, dusty cellar.

 

At last the sheet creature was
convinced and flapped after the doctor into the office.

 

“ItÅ‚s a personal matter, really,"
the Fomalhautian said when it was gone.

 

“Yes?" Nert tried to copy the
otherłs gruff voice.

 

The Fomalhautian went into a long
explanation of how its arbis had been bothering it ever since it had come to
Spangle, how it was afraid the thing might become inflamed and have to be cut
out, leaving him without any means of corvaling. Nert had no idea what any of
those things were, but he agreed that the Fomalhautian was wise to see a
doctor.

 

The sheet creature flapped weakly
out of the office. It had
a grey splotch on
its underside that it treated gingerly
as it pulled the
door open and left

 

“Next!"

 

Nert knew the Fomalhautian would
invite him to go first. If Nert argued with it politely, they would be there
all night. Before the being could say anything, Nert said. “Your turn at last.
And a good thing too. All that about your arbis sounds pretty serious."

 

“But itÅ‚ll take so long."

 

“That doesnÅ‚t make any
difference. Your health is the important thing."

 

Dr. Billingsley said, “Come on.
Youłve put this off long enough," and extended his hand to the Fomalhautian.

 

“Well" The being landed on the
floor in one jump and took little hopping steps into the examination room. Nert
felt victorious when the door closed at last. The Fomalhautian would leave, and
Nert would have Dr. Billingsley all to himself.

 

In the quiet, he could hear the
Fomalhautian explaining what was wrong with itself, and Dr. Billingsley now and
again asking a question or giving an answer. Nert opened the outside door and
looked over the city. The sun was gone but the sky was ablaze with advertising.
Projectors at the tops of tall buildings threw pictures on low clouds of beings
eating exotic foods, doing entertaining things, performing stimulating acts. A light,
cool breeze played with his olfactory nerves and washed away the smell of
disinfectant while carrying soft and hard smells, and the tinkling sound of
beings enjoying themselves a long way off. He thought about Herbie, down in the
dusty murk of the abandoned laundry room, and wondered if he really could
control his mazoola the way he said he could.

 

The door of the inner room opened
and Nert turned back into the oppressive darkness and smell. “Well, how are you
feeling now?"

 

The Fomalhautian leaped onto the
couch and said, “I donÅ‚t know yet. The doctor is doing some tests."

 

Dr. Billingsley looked at Nert. “You
can come in now."

 

Nert said, “ArenÅ‚t you going to
finish with your other patient first? You know how the arbis is"

 

“I canÅ‚t do anything until I know
the results of those tests. While wełre waiting I have time to take care of
you."

 

As Nert hopped weakly into the
examination room, he hoped things were not as disastrous as they suddenly
appeared. He closed the door and faced Dr. Billingsley, who sat behind the
desk. The faint smell of mittlebran pricked Nert like a million little needles
and he involuntarily clicked his claws. They clattered like a ratchet wheel.

 

“What was that?"

 

“Nothing Or, rather, thatÅ‚s what
IÅ‚ve come to see you about." He stamped on the floor three times. “You see," he
said, watching the doctor closely, “every so often, for no reason at all my
second stomach on the left starts chattering like that. Itłs"

 

He stopped. The doctorłs eyes got
big and round and he desperately clutched his middle. He made small gagging
sounds and tears began to drip from his eyes. He ran, half crouched, to the
medicine cabinet and fumbled with the key in the lock. Dr. Billingsley was in
no condition to notice anything but his own pain, or to concentrate on anything
but relieving it.

 

Nert took the camera from under
the blanket and recorded the doctor as he reached behind vials, bottles, and
pill boxes and retrieved a small grey carton from which he took large pinches
of fine white powder and rubbed it all over his face. The doctor coughed,
caught his breath, and rubbed more powder into his face. Slowly he straightened
up. He noticed NertÅ‚s camera for the first time. “What are you doing?"

 

Under the blanket, Nert was
turning a delicate blue. He clicked his claws and whirled around the room like
a dervish, trying to work off the burst of nervous energy given him by the mittlebran.
When he spoke, his voice shook.

 

“Pictures, doctor. IÅ‚m taking
pictures. Clear shots of a certain Dr. Billingsley sprinkling mittlebran."

 

“Who are you?"

 

“Nert, the Droshi. Remember? Two
nights ago at the Galactica Hotel?"

 

Dr. Billingsley sat heavily on
the side of the desk and stuck his legs out for support “I told you," he said
between heavy breaths, “that doesnÅ‚t worry me. IÅ‚ve got a lot of friends. You
went to a great deal of trouble for nothing."

 

“ThatÅ‚s not what I hear." Nert
was nearly hysterical from the mittlebran, and his olfactory nerves felt as if
they were burning. It helped to know the symptoms would pass when he got out of
the room, but it seemed heÅ‚d been with Dr. Billingsley for hours. “You can have
the film. For one thousand credits, even."

 

“I see." Dr. Billingsley walked
casually around the desk to the examination table behind it “A little
blackmail, eh? But then, I suppose, itłs only fair after what I did to you." He
rested his hands on the edge of the table and suddenly was holding a blip-gun.

 

“Now," he said, “put that camera
on the desk and get out of here."

 

Nert screamed and stamped on the
floor three more times.

 

Dr. Billingsleyłs face contorted
as if it were a carved apple drying in the sun, and he groaned and dropped the
gun. “Now," shouted Nert, “the thousand credits!"

 

The doctor crawled across the
floor to the desk where he opened the bottom drawer and thumbed open a metal
box. He counted out a thousand credits and struggled to his knees to put it on
the desk top.

 

Nert took the film magazine out
of the camera and exchanged it for the money. Bright points of light sparkled
on everything in the room. It was the first sign of mittlebran shock. If he
began to hear bells he would need a doctor and he wouldnłt be able to leave the
planet for many days.

 

He said, “Thank you," and ran out
of the room.

 

With the quick three-legged lope
the Droshi use when in a hurry he ran across the waiting room, threw the empty
camera to the Fomalhautian, opened the door and ran down the rusting stairway.

 

The Fomalhautian bounded after
him, shouting, “Wait. What am I supposed to do with this?" It yelped in
surprise as Dr. Billingsley suddenly grabbed it from behind and pulled it into
the waiting room.

 

Nert went to the hole in the old
wooden door and said, “Come on! ItÅ‚ll only take him a few seconds to find out
that the Fomalhautian isnłt me." He went to the passageway and climbed the
stone steps two at a time. Herbie rolled past him like a soft living wheel and
beat him to the top.

 

“Which way?" Nert said.

 

“There." They ran across the
street and hid in the shadows of the grotesque sculpture of an old portico,
while Dr. Billingsley ran toward the city chased by the Fomalhautian, still
waving the camera and shouting wildly about tests.

 

When they were gone, Nert and
Herbie walked out of the shadows and looked down the empty street. Herbie said,
“Being taken by a new Blue probably hurts him more than losing the thousand
credits." He looked at Nert. “By the way, you did
get the money, didnłt you?"

 

“Sure did." He flipped through
the sheaf of bills.

 

“In an hour or so every shady
character on Spangle will be looking for us. If wełre going to make that ship,
wełd better hurry."

 

They walked and undulated toward
the nearest slideway. The stink of the mittlebran was almost gone and Nert felt
better with every step. He said, “Herbie?"

 

“Um?"

 

“You donÅ‚t ever have to retire to
a gerbis farm or any other place, do you?"

 

After a while, Herbie said, “What
do you mean?"

 

“I mean you can just keep turning
into your own children forever. Isnłt that right?"

 

There were streetlights around
them now and the buildings did not look so forbidding. “Almost forever, yes,"
Herbie said.

 

“Then why did you buy a gerbis
farm with me for your old age if you never will get old?"

 

“Oh, IÅ‚ll get bored with being a
spaceman after a while, and IÅ‚ll want to do something else. I might as well do
it with a friend"

 

They were silent as they walked
among the gathering crowds near the slideway. Nert finally said, “If weÅ‚re
friends, next time youłre going to do something like becoming your own child,
please donłt try to surprise me."

 

Herbie laughed and said, “If you
think IÅ‚m unusual, you should see how the
Terrans produce offspring."

 

“HowÅ‚s that?"

 

Herbie told him.

 

“I donÅ‚t believe it," said Nert.

 

“FroothÅ‚s truth," said Herbie.

 

They thought of Dr. Billingsley
doing that and laughed about it all the way to the spaceport.

 








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