The Kama Sutra: Part III Chapter 3
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CHAPTER III
ON COURTSHIP, AND THE MANIFESTATION OF THE FEELINGS BY OUTWARD SIGNS AND
DEEDSA POOR man possessed of good qualities, a man born of a low
family possessed of mediocre qualities, a neighbour possessed of wealth, and one
under the control of his father, mother or brothers, should not marry without
endeavouring to gain over the girl from her childhood to love and esteem him.
Thus a boy separated from his parents, and living in the house of his uncle,
should try to gain over the daughter of his uncle, or some other girl, even
though she be previously betrothed to another. And this way of gaining over a
girl, says Ghotakamukha, is unexceptional, because Dharma can be accomplished by
means of it as well as by any other way of marriage.
When a boy has thus begun to woo the girl he loves, he
should spend his time with her and amuse her with various games and diversions
fitted for their age and acquaintanceship, such as picking and collecting
flowers, making garlands of flowers, playing the parts of members of a
fictitious family, cooking food, playing with dice, playing with cards, the game
of odd and even, the game of finding out the middle finger, the game of six
pebbles, and such other games as may be prevalent in the country, and agreeable
to the disposition of the girl. In addition to this, he should carry on various
amusing games played by several persons together, such as hide and seek, playing
with seeds, hiding things in several small heaps of wheat and looking for them,
blindman's buff, gymnastic exercises, and other games of the same sort, in
company with the girl, her friends and female attendants. The man should also
show great kindness to any woman whom the girl thinks fit to be trusted, and
should also make new acquaintances, but above all he should attach to himself by
kindness and little services the daughter of the girl's nurse, for if she be
gained over, even though she comes to know of his design, she does not cause any
obstruction, but is sometimes even able to effect a union between him and the
girl. And though she knows the true character of the man, she always talks of
his many excellent qualities to the parents and relations of the girl, even
though she may not be desired to do so by him.
In this way the man should do whatever the girl takes
most delight in, and he should get for her whatever she may have a desire to
possess. Thus he should procure for her such playthings as may be hardly known
to other girls. He may also show her a ball dyed with various colours, and other
curiosities of the same sort; and should give her dolls made of cloth, wood,
buffalo-horn, wax, flour, or earth; also utensils for cooking food, and figures
in wood, such as a man and woman standing, a pair of rams, or goats, or sheep;
also temples made of earth, bamboo, or wood, dedicated to various goddesses; and
cages for parrots, cuckoos, starlings, quails, cocks, and partridges;
water-vessels of different sorts and of elegant forms, machines for throwing
water about, guitars, stands for putting images upon, stools, lac, red arsenic,
yellow ointment, vermilion and collyrium, as well as sandalwood, saffron, betel
nut and betel leaves. Such things should be given at different times whenever he
gets a good opportunity of meeting her, and some of them should be given in
private, and some in public, according to circumstances. In short, he should try
in every way to make her look upon him as one who would do for her everything
that she wanted to be done.
In the next place he should get her to meet him in some
place privately, and should then tell her that the reason of his giving presents
to her in secret was the fear that the parents of both of them might be
displeased, and then he may add that the things which he had given her had been
much desired by other people. When her love begins to show signs of increasing
he should relate to her agreeable stories if she expresses a wish to hear such
narratives. Or if she takes delight in legerdemain, he should amaze her by
performing various tricks of jugglery; or if she feels a great curiosity to see
a performance of the various arts, he should show his own skill in them. When
she is delighted with singing he should entertain her with music, and on certain
days, and at the time of going together to moonlight fairs and festivals, and at
the time of her return after being absent from home, he should present her with
bouquets of flowers, and with chaplets for the head, and with ear ornaments and
rings, for these are the proper occasions on which such things should be
presented.
He should also teach the daughter of the girl's nurse all
the sixty-four means of pleasure practised by men, and under this pretext should
also inform her of his great skill in the art of sexual enjoyment. All this time
he should wear a fine dress, and make as good an appearance as possible, for
young women love men who live with them, and who are handsome, good looking and
well dressed. As for the sayings that though women may fall in love, they still
make no effort themselves to gain over the object of their affections, that is
only a matter of idle talk.
Now a girl always shows her love by outward signs and
actions, such as the following:
She never looks the man in the face, and becomes abashed
when she is looked at by him; under some pretext or other she shows her limbs to
him; she looks secretly at him though he has gone away from her side, hangs down
her head when she is asked some question by him, and answers in indistinct words
and unfinished sentences, delights to be in his company for a long time, speaks
to her attendants in a peculiar tone with the hope of attracting his attention
towards her when she is at a distance from him, does not wish to go from the
place where he is, under some pretext or other she makes him look at different
things, narrates to him tales and stories very slowly so that she may continue
conversing with him for a long time, kisses and embraces before him a child
sitting in her lap, draws ornamental marks on the foreheads of her female
servants, performs sportive and graceful movements when her attendants speak
jestingly to her in the presence of her lover, confides in her lover's friends,
and respects and obeys them, shows kindness to his servants, converses with
them, and engages them to do her work as if she were their mistress, and listens
attentively to them when they tell stories about her lover to somebody else,
enters his house when induced to do so by the daughter of her nurse, and by her
assistance manages to converse and play with him, avoids being seen by her lover
when she is not dressed and decorated, gives him by the hand of her female
friend her ear ornament, ring, or garland of flowers that he may have asked to
see, always wears anything that he may have presented to her, becomes dejected
when any other bridegroom is mentioned by her parents, and does not mix with,
those who may be of his party, or who may support his claims.
There are also some verses on the subject as follows:
`A man, who has seen and perceived the feelings of the
girl towards him, and who has noticed the outward signs and movements by which
those feelings are expressed, should do everything in his power to effect a
union with her. He should gain over a young girl by childlike sports, a damsel
come of age by his skill in the arts, and a girl that loves him by having
recourse to persons in whom she confides.'
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